Seriously. This house is way too damn cold for me. I'm such a wuss.
Maybe that's why we've gotten somewhere between fifteen and twenty blankets for Bella for Christmas.
December 30, 2009
One last post for the night...
I just want to formally appologize ahead of time to anyone who reads my last post...I blame excedrin and mountain dew. I'm probably a little too hyper right now...but I do REALLY need to go to bed. I just wanted to say I'm sorry for any headache, cramping, or mental blindness that may occur from reading it.
Seriously this time...Good night!
Seriously this time...Good night!
Year in Review
So, 2009 is coming to a close and I think it's about time to write a year in review. I has been a pretty big year.
Well, we found out I was pregnant on New Years of 2009. The test was so faint (and, I'll admit it, I was kind of in denial) and I wanted to be 110% positive, so I took a second (okay, a fifth) test on Jan 2nd. It was a digital and there was NO denying the word "POSITIVE" that was staring me in the face.
I'll admit...I cried. I was scared shitless. Travis on the other hand was bouncing (and I mean literally bouncing like a kid on caffeine) around the apartment. He was giddy and I was a wreck. We were already preparing for our move and I was trying to wrap my head around moving away from Kansas for the first time in my life, and the thought of having a small person starting to grow inside of me was too much for my brain to handle at the time. Luckily I called my family and they were so supportive from the start.
Two weeks later (Jan 15th) we were packed and on the road to New Jersey. It was my first long road trip and I'm proud to say that I handled it much better than I expected. I think the one thing that helped more than anything was having friends and family that were willing to spend hours on the phone (don't worry I had a bluetooth thingy) keeping me awake and entertained. It took three days (we took breaks...we were in seperate vehicles and I could not have made that drive without taking breaks) and when we got in it was about midnight out there. We were exhausted from the trip and brought in only what we absolutely needed (and the cat...she wasn't a fan of the car ride). We knew all along that we'd be staying in the basement but it would have been nice if someone would have thought to at least clear a spot on the floor for us to put the air mattress. It was probably below freezing in the basement that night (no, not exagerating, we had an air mattress that slowly deflated throughout the night on a concrete floor) and it was miserable. I think I MIGHT have gotten about an hour of sleep that night. Not the best experience of my life, but I lived. :P
Things were rough to start after the move...
Okay that's a bit of an understatement...and possibily sugarcoated a little. Okay a lot.
It was hell. There was constant drama with Travis's sister, there was issues with finances because neither of us could find work out there (yeah, big A+ to moving to a state that the recession hit headon like a fucking train), and I didn't know anyone other than Travis's friends and family, so the stress of being pregnant and being in a new place was awful.
About mid-February we finally told Travis's family that I was pregnant. It didn't go over so well. As a matter of fact, most of his family made me feel awful, like I was supposed to "take it back". The whole ordeal still bothers me. His grandmother actually walked out of the room saying "No..No..Not yet. No." Ugh. Pisses me off.
The usual drama persisted throughout Spring. I missed my father's 50th birthday and my little sister's graduation (they were within a week of each other) because we were stuck in Jersey waiting to hear back from a 'family friend' about a job for Travis. He had turned down a job that I had a chance to work with him because he was supposed to be making more on his own than we would've made together. Well, the guy had work for him for a grand total of about 30 hours over the course of three weeks...and then he just stopped calling. And because Travis didn't want to disappoint his family and upset this family friend we sat and waited and waited and waited for him to fucking call. Two weeks later he finally called and said that he just didn't have enough work and that he had to let Travis go. Fucking ass.
Okay...Wooo Saaawwwwww. This is getting me a little heated. I'll try to calm down.
Moving on.
In early June I discovered theBump and found at least a little sanity. I finally had people to talk about my pregnancy with. By that point the initial excitement of me being pregnant had worn off for Travis and he was starting to get stressed out and was sick of hearing about it. He won't admit it, but I know it's true.
Also in June we took a road trip up to Maine for Travis's friend's wedding. It was so beautiful up there. If I'm ever rich, I will own a house up in the mountains in Maine to visit in the summertime (because I'm a wuss when it comes to winter). Absolutely gorgeous. Its been almost seventh months since then and I am still dumbfounded by how amazing the landscape was up there. I can't wait to go back, even if its just for a visit.
On July 4th we flew out to Kansas to visit my family (FINALLY). It was a tiny ass plane but by far the easiest flight I've ever been on. The airports were EMPTY. Flying while all fat and stuff was interesting...people in the airport were definitely nicer to me when I was pregnant.
The visit to KS was nice but while we were here we got a phone call from one of Travis's friends. She was informing us that Travis's sister's girlfriend had got a kitten, but found out her mother was "deathly allergic" and they couldn't keep it at their house, so it would be staying with us. o.O I bit my tongue for a little while but on the trip back to the airport I was venting to my parents (we both were, honestly...Travis wasn't too happy about it either) and I brought up that her girlfriend had already told us that her mother was allergic to cats and that's why she couldn't have a cat.
Okay...(Deep breath)
Well, we got back alright and "met" the kitten. It was cute, but Travis brought it up to his sister that he 'thought he remembered' her girlfriend mentioning that her mom was allergic to cats in the past. His sister merely responded with "yeah, but she wanted one". Again..o.O Apparently in New Jersey you get what you want...screw everyone else.
Annnnnnyway. Again I bit my tongue because at that point there was absolutely no talking to anyone. I knew if I had said anything it'd start a fight...and I was trying to avoid having to deal with any extra drama. Well, the extra drama came anyway because Travis asked what the kittens name was.... Oh yeah, this is where it gets good. Bella. The name we had told EVERYONE that we were using when we found out we were having a girl (which, by the way, was in May). As a matter of fact, we had told everyone our name choices from the start. It was Isabella Reese (Bella for short) for a girl, and Jace (probably J for short) Xavier for a boy.
Yep, I was livid but again, I kept my mouth shut until I could talk to Travis privately...which happened later that night. I told him that yes it pissed me off and he needed to talk to her. So he did.
That's when World War III started.
He went upstairs to talk to her and said that things went "alright" but we stepped outside to get some fresh air because A- I was still (more than) a little homicidal and B- the basement always smelled funky. When we were coming back in we could hear her upstairs on the phone crying and yelling about us. I'm going to use direct quotes here because this shit REALLY pissed me off. We heard the following, word for word (because it pissed me off that much that I remember it all word for word): "They're ruining everything. They're trying to take the best part of my life away." (Seriously? I kitten is the best part of your life?) "I'm sick of them. They don't do anything around the house. I have to do everything and they're just trying to make me miserable. The only reason they're here is because she got pregnant and they didn't have anywhere else to go."
...Okay, to understand why I was ready to march up the stairs and break her neck, I'll explain something. The ONLY reason we moved to New Jersey was because Travis's mother died and his family was putting a huge guilt trip on him to move out and help take care of the estate and HIS SISTER. I had an apartment that I was perfectly happy with. Travis was in the military but had to get out because they "really needed" him there and the stress they were putting on him was causing serious issues for him (not sleeping, severe depression, etc). Had his family not pushed him to think that he HAD to move back to take care of everything, we would still be (VERY) happily living in Kansas.
So, anyway, upon hearing all that, Travis told her to come downstairs to talk. I went down to the basement because I'm about 983% sure I would have outright killed her on the spot had I had to look at her at that moment. It took her three hours of calling her friends and telling them she was afraid to go downstairs because Travis "might have overheard" her. Eventually she did and they talked and agreed that it wasn't going to work out and that they were going to sell the house.
All fine and peachy, right?
Shit I wish. A few days later they had a 'family meeting' to discuss it all (and to discuss the new bill arrangement because until that point their mother's boyfriend was still living with us and he was getting ready to move out then anyhow). It was a total drama fest. They talked about it and she made this big deal about how we never did anything (yeah, I might add that we were the ONLY ones that did ANYTHING in the house...and we were also expected to buy ALL of the groceries...eventhough we were broke and trying to prepare for a baby) and she just couldn't live with us anymore. She said that "no matter what" she'd be moving out no later than the end of September (remember this, it'll come into play later).
Everything was discussed and "settled" (they decided to sell and started talking about who would be interested and all that crap). I also want to mention that during this discussion she mentioned that when she moved out she would be moving in with their grandparents. She never asked her grandparents about this, she just told them that she'd move in with them.
They also discussed the fact that they'd need to divide up the estate. Ooo yeah, more drama. She freaked out about the couches. There are two loveseat/couches that actually belonged to their mother's boyfriend. He had told us that he wanted us to have them because Travis's sister had already informed everyone that she was taking their mother's bedroom set. (Yes, informed...she never thought it was necessary to ask or discuss it with anyone. She just told us one day that she was taking them.) Well, when Travis mentioned that we were supposed to get them his sister started throwing a tantrum (and trust me, I do mean tantrum in every aspect of the word). She was literally throwing things (her phone, a glass, anything around her) and tried forcing her way past their grandmother to storm out of the room because SHE wasn't getting what SHE wanted. She did everything but outright say that she thought she deserved everything in the house because Travis had actually moved out and gotten a job and gotten some of his own stuff (mind you, he was military so most of the stuff he got was salvaged from people moving out of the barracks).
Woooosaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Alright, I'm getting heated a bit, so instead of ranting more and more about this (too late, I know) I'll just go ahead and say that they re-divided the bills that night as well and instead of it being split three ways, which would have been fair (right?...right?) they split them up so we were paying three times as much as his sister. And eventhough we were paying so much more, they refused to drop some bills that we didn't need (because the HD TV was moving out with their mom's boyfriend and we didn't exactly need to pay out the ass for all the HD channels...or did we? Hell...I guess 'do we' would be more appropriate since we still do) because his sister didn't want to change anything. Can't blame her, she wasn't paying for them.
Okay...I know, deep breath. Enough about that day. It was a train wreck. But I was definitely excited at the prospect of her moving out.
Anyhow, early August came and our 'roommate' moved out. This meant that Travis and I finally got to move out of the un-heated/un-airconditioned/moldy/noisy/disaster basement. We were actually going to have a bedroom that didn't require me to climb a flight of crappy stairs everytime I woke up in the middle of the night to pee. We had our issues with that. Travis was expected to take apart the entire bedroom set that was in the room we were moving into, and move it upstairs for his sister...Of course that was after he took apart the entire set that was upstairs in her room and moved it outside to the garage. Because, really, she can't be expected to do anything for herself...right?
During this move we also cleaned out the "back room" which was the laundry room and the bedroom that we were moving in to. And yes I mean DEEP cleaned. We were washing walls, vacuuming three or four times, changing blinds, shampooing carpets (because the kitten had been living in the back room and apparently it had diarrea and had shit all over the floors and the entire room smelled so awful that I had to leave the windows open for weeks to air it out...yeah I forgot that part...way to leave the kitten in the room that was going to be for the BABY...the baby she tried stealing the name from!), and dusting every surface we could find (I swiffered the ceiling). We moved everything out of the back room (including the washer and dryer that had to be up there because their mom had MD and was not able to go up and down stairs to do laundry) and started moving our stuff into the bedroom.
It was amazing. We FINALLY had air conditioning. I'm pretty sure Travis was much happier with the air conditioning than he led on...because, well, have you ever smelled a pregnant woman in August without it? I think you get my drift.
Shortly after that whole ordeal, I found out that my insurance had dropped me. That was a whole new headache to deal with. My only option was to get on Medicaid. It was a hassle but I finally got it all worked out, got my paperwork and started calling around to find a new OB (because of course I went to one that didn't accept Medicaid).
NO ONE would take me. I was seriously starting to think I was going to have to hire a bum off the street to deliver my baby. Everyone I talked to said I was 'way too far along' for them to take me on as a patient. It was a nightmare. I was in tears, calling hundreds of doctors, just trying to find someone to help. Finally I found out that there was a hospital in the area that had a helpline to try to match people with doctors. The first woman I talked to was either on the rag or had a telephone pole shoved up her ass because she told me that the service was only for people that were 'not capable of making the phone calls for themselves' and hung up on me. It wasn't. I had been transferred there from the L&D operator (who was a sweetheart, by the way). So, I called her back to ask her again and she re-transferred me and made sure I was talking to someone who would help. I finally got set up with an appointment to see the intake lady at a local family practice two days later.
They sped me through the system to get me set up for my appointments (because at that point I was 37 weeks pregnant and HAD to figure shit out) and I got set up for an appointment. The doctor wanted to check growth and send me for an ultrasound.
Great right?
Well, okay, it kind of was because I got to see the little monkey, but it set me up for minor heart failure. Bella was measuring at almost nine pounds at 37 weeks. I went to my next appointment which was only a few days after the ultrasound and they told me I was a high risk for a C-Section because of how big she was measuring. That started the NST/US checkups. The next checkup said I wasn't measuring quite as big, but they still wanted to schedule an induction so she didn't get too big. They were not going to let me go past my due date. Definitely music to my ears (because hell yes I was done with being pregnant...they could've told me I was being induced right that minute and I probably would've kissed the damn doctor).
Induction was schedule for Sept 12th but on the night of the 8th I started hurting. It wasn't cramping like I had always expected, it was a shooting pain down my right leg and it felt like someone had just stabbed me in the gut. I dealt with it for awhile but at about 3am on the 9th I tried calling L&D. No one answered. I waited another half hour and said fuck it and we went in. I remember telling the nurses "Uhm, I don't think I'm in labor, but it really hurts". They hooked me up to the monitors and told me I was there for the long haul.
Since I'm about 95% sure I've already posted my birth story, I won't go into all the details again (if not, its not a pretty story and I won't bore you all with another long winded ramble just yet) but Bella was born on 09/09/09!
My parents came out to visit and stayed for two days (not NEARLY long enough). It was great. I loved getting to see them and i was so glad that they got to see Bella so soon. It was fun too because eventhough I was totally miserable and sore as hell, we took them out to both the Atlantic City and Ocean City boardwalks. Bella got to see the ocean (through the little plastic part on the hood that covered her carseat/stroller) when she was only 4 days old!
The first night we had Bella home the power went out for a couple hours (i think it was off for two). Travis and I were both losing our minds. We were using tea lights for light and ended up having to change our first dirty diaper at home in the dark. Of course as soon as we got the diaper fastened (and I mean immediately when we fastened it) the lights came back on. So much fun.
Well...the end of September came and went (remember what was supposed to happen then?) with nothing exciting happening. My birthday was uneventful and we kicked off the beginning of October with Travis's equally uneventful birthday. I felt awful that I couldn't do anything special for him, but I was still a total mess at that point.
In mid-october his sister's girlfriend moved in. By thanksgiving she had finally told their family and they were (thankfully) splitting bills evenly between the four of us. By then things were FINALLY starting to get a little better around the house (although I still have fantasies about what it'd be like to have our own place again).
Things were pretty uneventful after that. Up until our trip out here to Kansas, that is. But you can all read about that in the other long-ass post below. For now I am thinking that it's about time to wrap up. It's 1:30, Bella's been asleep for a couple hours now, and I have to be up early tomorrow. If you're read through all of this, please come here and slap me...just don't wake me up to do it.
Night night.
Well, we found out I was pregnant on New Years of 2009. The test was so faint (and, I'll admit it, I was kind of in denial) and I wanted to be 110% positive, so I took a second (okay, a fifth) test on Jan 2nd. It was a digital and there was NO denying the word "POSITIVE" that was staring me in the face.
I'll admit...I cried. I was scared shitless. Travis on the other hand was bouncing (and I mean literally bouncing like a kid on caffeine) around the apartment. He was giddy and I was a wreck. We were already preparing for our move and I was trying to wrap my head around moving away from Kansas for the first time in my life, and the thought of having a small person starting to grow inside of me was too much for my brain to handle at the time. Luckily I called my family and they were so supportive from the start.
Two weeks later (Jan 15th) we were packed and on the road to New Jersey. It was my first long road trip and I'm proud to say that I handled it much better than I expected. I think the one thing that helped more than anything was having friends and family that were willing to spend hours on the phone (don't worry I had a bluetooth thingy) keeping me awake and entertained. It took three days (we took breaks...we were in seperate vehicles and I could not have made that drive without taking breaks) and when we got in it was about midnight out there. We were exhausted from the trip and brought in only what we absolutely needed (and the cat...she wasn't a fan of the car ride). We knew all along that we'd be staying in the basement but it would have been nice if someone would have thought to at least clear a spot on the floor for us to put the air mattress. It was probably below freezing in the basement that night (no, not exagerating, we had an air mattress that slowly deflated throughout the night on a concrete floor) and it was miserable. I think I MIGHT have gotten about an hour of sleep that night. Not the best experience of my life, but I lived. :P
Things were rough to start after the move...
Okay that's a bit of an understatement...and possibily sugarcoated a little. Okay a lot.
It was hell. There was constant drama with Travis's sister, there was issues with finances because neither of us could find work out there (yeah, big A+ to moving to a state that the recession hit headon like a fucking train), and I didn't know anyone other than Travis's friends and family, so the stress of being pregnant and being in a new place was awful.
About mid-February we finally told Travis's family that I was pregnant. It didn't go over so well. As a matter of fact, most of his family made me feel awful, like I was supposed to "take it back". The whole ordeal still bothers me. His grandmother actually walked out of the room saying "No..No..Not yet. No." Ugh. Pisses me off.
The usual drama persisted throughout Spring. I missed my father's 50th birthday and my little sister's graduation (they were within a week of each other) because we were stuck in Jersey waiting to hear back from a 'family friend' about a job for Travis. He had turned down a job that I had a chance to work with him because he was supposed to be making more on his own than we would've made together. Well, the guy had work for him for a grand total of about 30 hours over the course of three weeks...and then he just stopped calling. And because Travis didn't want to disappoint his family and upset this family friend we sat and waited and waited and waited for him to fucking call. Two weeks later he finally called and said that he just didn't have enough work and that he had to let Travis go. Fucking ass.
Okay...Wooo Saaawwwwww. This is getting me a little heated. I'll try to calm down.
Moving on.
In early June I discovered theBump and found at least a little sanity. I finally had people to talk about my pregnancy with. By that point the initial excitement of me being pregnant had worn off for Travis and he was starting to get stressed out and was sick of hearing about it. He won't admit it, but I know it's true.
Also in June we took a road trip up to Maine for Travis's friend's wedding. It was so beautiful up there. If I'm ever rich, I will own a house up in the mountains in Maine to visit in the summertime (because I'm a wuss when it comes to winter). Absolutely gorgeous. Its been almost seventh months since then and I am still dumbfounded by how amazing the landscape was up there. I can't wait to go back, even if its just for a visit.
On July 4th we flew out to Kansas to visit my family (FINALLY). It was a tiny ass plane but by far the easiest flight I've ever been on. The airports were EMPTY. Flying while all fat and stuff was interesting...people in the airport were definitely nicer to me when I was pregnant.
The visit to KS was nice but while we were here we got a phone call from one of Travis's friends. She was informing us that Travis's sister's girlfriend had got a kitten, but found out her mother was "deathly allergic" and they couldn't keep it at their house, so it would be staying with us. o.O I bit my tongue for a little while but on the trip back to the airport I was venting to my parents (we both were, honestly...Travis wasn't too happy about it either) and I brought up that her girlfriend had already told us that her mother was allergic to cats and that's why she couldn't have a cat.
Okay...(Deep breath)
Well, we got back alright and "met" the kitten. It was cute, but Travis brought it up to his sister that he 'thought he remembered' her girlfriend mentioning that her mom was allergic to cats in the past. His sister merely responded with "yeah, but she wanted one". Again..o.O Apparently in New Jersey you get what you want...screw everyone else.
Annnnnnyway. Again I bit my tongue because at that point there was absolutely no talking to anyone. I knew if I had said anything it'd start a fight...and I was trying to avoid having to deal with any extra drama. Well, the extra drama came anyway because Travis asked what the kittens name was.... Oh yeah, this is where it gets good. Bella. The name we had told EVERYONE that we were using when we found out we were having a girl (which, by the way, was in May). As a matter of fact, we had told everyone our name choices from the start. It was Isabella Reese (Bella for short) for a girl, and Jace (probably J for short) Xavier for a boy.
Yep, I was livid but again, I kept my mouth shut until I could talk to Travis privately...which happened later that night. I told him that yes it pissed me off and he needed to talk to her. So he did.
That's when World War III started.
He went upstairs to talk to her and said that things went "alright" but we stepped outside to get some fresh air because A- I was still (more than) a little homicidal and B- the basement always smelled funky. When we were coming back in we could hear her upstairs on the phone crying and yelling about us. I'm going to use direct quotes here because this shit REALLY pissed me off. We heard the following, word for word (because it pissed me off that much that I remember it all word for word): "They're ruining everything. They're trying to take the best part of my life away." (Seriously? I kitten is the best part of your life?) "I'm sick of them. They don't do anything around the house. I have to do everything and they're just trying to make me miserable. The only reason they're here is because she got pregnant and they didn't have anywhere else to go."
...Okay, to understand why I was ready to march up the stairs and break her neck, I'll explain something. The ONLY reason we moved to New Jersey was because Travis's mother died and his family was putting a huge guilt trip on him to move out and help take care of the estate and HIS SISTER. I had an apartment that I was perfectly happy with. Travis was in the military but had to get out because they "really needed" him there and the stress they were putting on him was causing serious issues for him (not sleeping, severe depression, etc). Had his family not pushed him to think that he HAD to move back to take care of everything, we would still be (VERY) happily living in Kansas.
So, anyway, upon hearing all that, Travis told her to come downstairs to talk. I went down to the basement because I'm about 983% sure I would have outright killed her on the spot had I had to look at her at that moment. It took her three hours of calling her friends and telling them she was afraid to go downstairs because Travis "might have overheard" her. Eventually she did and they talked and agreed that it wasn't going to work out and that they were going to sell the house.
All fine and peachy, right?
Shit I wish. A few days later they had a 'family meeting' to discuss it all (and to discuss the new bill arrangement because until that point their mother's boyfriend was still living with us and he was getting ready to move out then anyhow). It was a total drama fest. They talked about it and she made this big deal about how we never did anything (yeah, I might add that we were the ONLY ones that did ANYTHING in the house...and we were also expected to buy ALL of the groceries...eventhough we were broke and trying to prepare for a baby) and she just couldn't live with us anymore. She said that "no matter what" she'd be moving out no later than the end of September (remember this, it'll come into play later).
Everything was discussed and "settled" (they decided to sell and started talking about who would be interested and all that crap). I also want to mention that during this discussion she mentioned that when she moved out she would be moving in with their grandparents. She never asked her grandparents about this, she just told them that she'd move in with them.
They also discussed the fact that they'd need to divide up the estate. Ooo yeah, more drama. She freaked out about the couches. There are two loveseat/couches that actually belonged to their mother's boyfriend. He had told us that he wanted us to have them because Travis's sister had already informed everyone that she was taking their mother's bedroom set. (Yes, informed...she never thought it was necessary to ask or discuss it with anyone. She just told us one day that she was taking them.) Well, when Travis mentioned that we were supposed to get them his sister started throwing a tantrum (and trust me, I do mean tantrum in every aspect of the word). She was literally throwing things (her phone, a glass, anything around her) and tried forcing her way past their grandmother to storm out of the room because SHE wasn't getting what SHE wanted. She did everything but outright say that she thought she deserved everything in the house because Travis had actually moved out and gotten a job and gotten some of his own stuff (mind you, he was military so most of the stuff he got was salvaged from people moving out of the barracks).
Woooosaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Alright, I'm getting heated a bit, so instead of ranting more and more about this (too late, I know) I'll just go ahead and say that they re-divided the bills that night as well and instead of it being split three ways, which would have been fair (right?...right?) they split them up so we were paying three times as much as his sister. And eventhough we were paying so much more, they refused to drop some bills that we didn't need (because the HD TV was moving out with their mom's boyfriend and we didn't exactly need to pay out the ass for all the HD channels...or did we? Hell...I guess 'do we' would be more appropriate since we still do) because his sister didn't want to change anything. Can't blame her, she wasn't paying for them.
Okay...I know, deep breath. Enough about that day. It was a train wreck. But I was definitely excited at the prospect of her moving out.
Anyhow, early August came and our 'roommate' moved out. This meant that Travis and I finally got to move out of the un-heated/un-airconditioned/moldy/noisy/disaster basement. We were actually going to have a bedroom that didn't require me to climb a flight of crappy stairs everytime I woke up in the middle of the night to pee. We had our issues with that. Travis was expected to take apart the entire bedroom set that was in the room we were moving into, and move it upstairs for his sister...Of course that was after he took apart the entire set that was upstairs in her room and moved it outside to the garage. Because, really, she can't be expected to do anything for herself...right?
During this move we also cleaned out the "back room" which was the laundry room and the bedroom that we were moving in to. And yes I mean DEEP cleaned. We were washing walls, vacuuming three or four times, changing blinds, shampooing carpets (because the kitten had been living in the back room and apparently it had diarrea and had shit all over the floors and the entire room smelled so awful that I had to leave the windows open for weeks to air it out...yeah I forgot that part...way to leave the kitten in the room that was going to be for the BABY...the baby she tried stealing the name from!), and dusting every surface we could find (I swiffered the ceiling). We moved everything out of the back room (including the washer and dryer that had to be up there because their mom had MD and was not able to go up and down stairs to do laundry) and started moving our stuff into the bedroom.
It was amazing. We FINALLY had air conditioning. I'm pretty sure Travis was much happier with the air conditioning than he led on...because, well, have you ever smelled a pregnant woman in August without it? I think you get my drift.
Shortly after that whole ordeal, I found out that my insurance had dropped me. That was a whole new headache to deal with. My only option was to get on Medicaid. It was a hassle but I finally got it all worked out, got my paperwork and started calling around to find a new OB (because of course I went to one that didn't accept Medicaid).
NO ONE would take me. I was seriously starting to think I was going to have to hire a bum off the street to deliver my baby. Everyone I talked to said I was 'way too far along' for them to take me on as a patient. It was a nightmare. I was in tears, calling hundreds of doctors, just trying to find someone to help. Finally I found out that there was a hospital in the area that had a helpline to try to match people with doctors. The first woman I talked to was either on the rag or had a telephone pole shoved up her ass because she told me that the service was only for people that were 'not capable of making the phone calls for themselves' and hung up on me. It wasn't. I had been transferred there from the L&D operator (who was a sweetheart, by the way). So, I called her back to ask her again and she re-transferred me and made sure I was talking to someone who would help. I finally got set up with an appointment to see the intake lady at a local family practice two days later.
They sped me through the system to get me set up for my appointments (because at that point I was 37 weeks pregnant and HAD to figure shit out) and I got set up for an appointment. The doctor wanted to check growth and send me for an ultrasound.
Great right?
Well, okay, it kind of was because I got to see the little monkey, but it set me up for minor heart failure. Bella was measuring at almost nine pounds at 37 weeks. I went to my next appointment which was only a few days after the ultrasound and they told me I was a high risk for a C-Section because of how big she was measuring. That started the NST/US checkups. The next checkup said I wasn't measuring quite as big, but they still wanted to schedule an induction so she didn't get too big. They were not going to let me go past my due date. Definitely music to my ears (because hell yes I was done with being pregnant...they could've told me I was being induced right that minute and I probably would've kissed the damn doctor).
Induction was schedule for Sept 12th but on the night of the 8th I started hurting. It wasn't cramping like I had always expected, it was a shooting pain down my right leg and it felt like someone had just stabbed me in the gut. I dealt with it for awhile but at about 3am on the 9th I tried calling L&D. No one answered. I waited another half hour and said fuck it and we went in. I remember telling the nurses "Uhm, I don't think I'm in labor, but it really hurts". They hooked me up to the monitors and told me I was there for the long haul.
Since I'm about 95% sure I've already posted my birth story, I won't go into all the details again (if not, its not a pretty story and I won't bore you all with another long winded ramble just yet) but Bella was born on 09/09/09!
My parents came out to visit and stayed for two days (not NEARLY long enough). It was great. I loved getting to see them and i was so glad that they got to see Bella so soon. It was fun too because eventhough I was totally miserable and sore as hell, we took them out to both the Atlantic City and Ocean City boardwalks. Bella got to see the ocean (through the little plastic part on the hood that covered her carseat/stroller) when she was only 4 days old!
The first night we had Bella home the power went out for a couple hours (i think it was off for two). Travis and I were both losing our minds. We were using tea lights for light and ended up having to change our first dirty diaper at home in the dark. Of course as soon as we got the diaper fastened (and I mean immediately when we fastened it) the lights came back on. So much fun.
Well...the end of September came and went (remember what was supposed to happen then?) with nothing exciting happening. My birthday was uneventful and we kicked off the beginning of October with Travis's equally uneventful birthday. I felt awful that I couldn't do anything special for him, but I was still a total mess at that point.
In mid-october his sister's girlfriend moved in. By thanksgiving she had finally told their family and they were (thankfully) splitting bills evenly between the four of us. By then things were FINALLY starting to get a little better around the house (although I still have fantasies about what it'd be like to have our own place again).
Things were pretty uneventful after that. Up until our trip out here to Kansas, that is. But you can all read about that in the other long-ass post below. For now I am thinking that it's about time to wrap up. It's 1:30, Bella's been asleep for a couple hours now, and I have to be up early tomorrow. If you're read through all of this, please come here and slap me...just don't wake me up to do it.
Night night.
December 29, 2009
I love Kansas...
If for nothing else, its amazing having other people around who want to help out with Bella. I don't constantly feel like I'm pushing her off on someone, just so I can breathe!
A Christmas to remember...
This year was Bella's first Christmas...and it was definitely one to remember.
We left from New Jersey on Wednesday at about 10:30AM. We knew we were going to be driving and I had been dreading it ever since we decided that it'd be cheaper (it really was, and its probably a good thing we did, with all the delays at the local airports out there). The first day wasn't bad at all. We made a few stops but we drove until about 1AM. That's when Travis decided that it was time to find a hotel and stop for the night so we could get some rest. I wanted to keep going (I was wired because it was the first time in a year that I had a Full Throttle...I LOVE those), but with checkout time being at 11 at most hotels, we wanted to be able to relax a little bit and actually get some rest before we had to head back out on the road.
Neither of us got much sleep. Bella had slept a good part of the drive (when she wasn't being a fusspot because she's not real fond of her carseat...at least not for long periods) and was ready to be awake for awhile. She slept for about two or three hours after we got her settled and then was up and fussing about every hour for a few more hours before we gave up.
We were slow to get started because we were both tired. Once we got everything loaded back into the car (it was ridiculously cold out and we had to lug a lot of stuff into the hotel room, because there was a bunch of stuff we didn't want to freeze in the car), got breakfast, and got back on the road, it was about 11AM again. Bella slept better in the car again, but got to be pretty fussy throughout the day.
The weather wasn't too bad for us until we hit mid-Missouri. It had been cold but we started hitting the east side of the blizzard. The roads got nasty FAST. I think we literally drove into a wall of ice. I felt bad that Travis had to drive through the whole storm, but I was not comfortable driving in it, especially with all the cars we saw that had slid off the road.
We took it really slow for the rest of the trip. I think 40mph was our top speed after hitting Kansas City. That's when we hit the snow. It was NASTY out, but we slowly made our way. There were a few times that I was almost in tears because I was freaked out. It wouldn't have been so bad but the wind was blowing the snow up and making it hard to see. I don't know how Travis kept the car on the road some of the time, because we literally couldn't see a foot in front of the car...but we were out in the middle of nowhere by the time, so there really wasn't an option to just pull off and stop somewhere.
Once we hit a small town about 12 miles from my hometown we got stuck. And I don't mean that we finally gave up on driving through the storm, I mean that we hit a snowdrift in the road that my car couldn't get through. We couldn't back up, couldn't go forward, we were just stuck, on the wrong side of the road, at 2am, ONLY TWELVE MILES FROM HOME. Mind you, this is after driving 1250 miles...
I was freaked out. I'm surprised the "oh shit" handle on my car didn't fall off, considering how tight I was holding on to it.
Luckily, the drift we hit was actually in the town. I called my parents and they tried to come over in their blazer to get us (they have four wheel drive, so they thought they'd be able to make it). I got a phone call a few minutes later saying that they weren't going to be able to make it, but my little sister's friend's dad was going to come see if he could get us out. They lived in the town that we were stuck in and he worked for the city, so he was going to see what he could do.
While we were waiting for him, a cop spotted us and tried to get to us, but he got his SUV partially stuck trying to get to us. He ended up walking through the snowdrift to us to talk to us. As soon as he saw that we had an infant in the car he called in the troops. Between him and the guy that was originally coming out to help, they had 6 or 7 people out there digging us out. The only vehicles that could get close were the plow and the grater.
The cop said that the local hotel was full (yeah small town area and there is only one hotel) and they didn't want to try to take us across town anyway, so my little sister's friend's dad said that we could stay with them. I felt really awkward because I had never met any of her family before, and I felt awful since it was Christmas and I was going to be intruding...let alone the fact that it was our fault that he got out of bed at 2am and I didn't know anyone except his daughter.
Well, they got us un-stuck and we started following him back to his house. It was slow because the roads had been grated but they were still nasty (the wind was horrible and was just blowing the snow right back across the roads). We got about 3/4 of the way there and got stuck again. It wasn't nearly as bad. We had just been driving in his tracks (he had a big 4WD truck and had no problem) but we hit another drift that was just too big for us. Travis got us backed up and he tried to drive over the drift a few times to pack it down, but it didn't work. So he ended up hooking up a chain to the front of the car and pulling us through.
We got to their house and he had us park in his neighbor's drive (they aren't living there right now and he said it'd be better than leaving my car in the street). Once we got everything we needed (and everything that could freeze) unloaded, we started getting warm and trying to get Bella ready to at least get a little more sleep.
She wasn't having that. She had slept for quite awhile and was ready to play again. Luckily my little sister's friend said she was wide awake and offered to play with Bella for awhile so we could get some rest. I wanted to hug her, but I was so exhausted that I couldn't.
Unfortunately that didn't last long either, because Bella got really fussy for her and she didn't know what to do. I got her fed and changed again and she finally went back to sleep for a little bit. It only lasted about two-three hours, but when she woke up my sister's friend came back out and offered to take her for awhile again. I slept for about another hour and then went downstairs to hang out, because I knew getting more sleep was out of the question. (By that time it was about 8AM.)
That's when I met her mom. It was not nearly as uncomfortable as I expected because their other kids were stuck in Topeka because of the storm and they were all sorts of excited to have company, especially a baby. I got to hang out and relax while they were playing with Bella and keeping her entertained. She got a little fussy but not too bad. Travis slept in until 1pm. I wanted to wake him up because I was more than a little jealous of him getting to sleep in, but I knew he needed his rest from driving through the storm the night before.
We were there until about 3pm when my parents were finally able to make it over to pick us up. They said the roads were still too bad to try to bring my car, so we had to load anything we could up in the blazer and leave my car where it was until the roads were better. We had to leave a few things in the car, but not much.
My sisters, nephews, and brother in law were all waiting for us when we got home. I was excited to see them all but I had been so stressed out that my mom and I went straight to the kitchen for a shot. My mom had brought Bella in the house while I helped unload the blazer and by the time I made it in the house my older sister had already stole Bella and was cuddling her. It was so nice to know that there were other people there to help with her so I could just relax for awhile. (I had help that morning, but I felt awkward since I didn't really know anyone except my sister's friend...and eventhough I trusted her it felt like I was pushing my kid off on her.)
I barely saw my own daughter that evening. We ate dinner, played with my nephews, got settled and opened presents and all I really did with Bella was give her a bath and open presents. I felt bad though because she was still kind of a grump from being in the carseat for so long, but at least they were finally getting to meet her!
The rest of the night went alright. She was kind of a fusspot but she had been awake most of the day so she went to bed at a somewhat normal time and slept pretty well. The next day Travis and my dad went over to get the car since the roads had been cleared out quite a bit.
Since then Bella has returned to her usual goofy self. She loves having people talk to her and will sit there and just coo and giggle when people make funny noises at her. I'm happy that we get to stay here until the 8th or so, but I am already dreading the ride back to New Jersey and I'm honestly more than a little worried about the well-being of my cat, who is currently being taken care of by Travis's sister. She's got an automatic feeder and water dish, but it'll need filled at least twice while we're gone and his sister has trouble remembering to feed her own cats. I've been bugging Travis to keep asking her how Duckie is doing because if my cat doesn't have food or water or acts like she's been neglected when I get back, there will be hell to pay.
Blah. Okay, so I guess that's enough of an update for now. I SHOULD go to bed, but I think I'm going to go browse the web some more because I've had a lot of caffeine today and I finally got rid of my headache!
We left from New Jersey on Wednesday at about 10:30AM. We knew we were going to be driving and I had been dreading it ever since we decided that it'd be cheaper (it really was, and its probably a good thing we did, with all the delays at the local airports out there). The first day wasn't bad at all. We made a few stops but we drove until about 1AM. That's when Travis decided that it was time to find a hotel and stop for the night so we could get some rest. I wanted to keep going (I was wired because it was the first time in a year that I had a Full Throttle...I LOVE those), but with checkout time being at 11 at most hotels, we wanted to be able to relax a little bit and actually get some rest before we had to head back out on the road.
Neither of us got much sleep. Bella had slept a good part of the drive (when she wasn't being a fusspot because she's not real fond of her carseat...at least not for long periods) and was ready to be awake for awhile. She slept for about two or three hours after we got her settled and then was up and fussing about every hour for a few more hours before we gave up.
We were slow to get started because we were both tired. Once we got everything loaded back into the car (it was ridiculously cold out and we had to lug a lot of stuff into the hotel room, because there was a bunch of stuff we didn't want to freeze in the car), got breakfast, and got back on the road, it was about 11AM again. Bella slept better in the car again, but got to be pretty fussy throughout the day.
The weather wasn't too bad for us until we hit mid-Missouri. It had been cold but we started hitting the east side of the blizzard. The roads got nasty FAST. I think we literally drove into a wall of ice. I felt bad that Travis had to drive through the whole storm, but I was not comfortable driving in it, especially with all the cars we saw that had slid off the road.
We took it really slow for the rest of the trip. I think 40mph was our top speed after hitting Kansas City. That's when we hit the snow. It was NASTY out, but we slowly made our way. There were a few times that I was almost in tears because I was freaked out. It wouldn't have been so bad but the wind was blowing the snow up and making it hard to see. I don't know how Travis kept the car on the road some of the time, because we literally couldn't see a foot in front of the car...but we were out in the middle of nowhere by the time, so there really wasn't an option to just pull off and stop somewhere.
Once we hit a small town about 12 miles from my hometown we got stuck. And I don't mean that we finally gave up on driving through the storm, I mean that we hit a snowdrift in the road that my car couldn't get through. We couldn't back up, couldn't go forward, we were just stuck, on the wrong side of the road, at 2am, ONLY TWELVE MILES FROM HOME. Mind you, this is after driving 1250 miles...
I was freaked out. I'm surprised the "oh shit" handle on my car didn't fall off, considering how tight I was holding on to it.
Luckily, the drift we hit was actually in the town. I called my parents and they tried to come over in their blazer to get us (they have four wheel drive, so they thought they'd be able to make it). I got a phone call a few minutes later saying that they weren't going to be able to make it, but my little sister's friend's dad was going to come see if he could get us out. They lived in the town that we were stuck in and he worked for the city, so he was going to see what he could do.
While we were waiting for him, a cop spotted us and tried to get to us, but he got his SUV partially stuck trying to get to us. He ended up walking through the snowdrift to us to talk to us. As soon as he saw that we had an infant in the car he called in the troops. Between him and the guy that was originally coming out to help, they had 6 or 7 people out there digging us out. The only vehicles that could get close were the plow and the grater.
The cop said that the local hotel was full (yeah small town area and there is only one hotel) and they didn't want to try to take us across town anyway, so my little sister's friend's dad said that we could stay with them. I felt really awkward because I had never met any of her family before, and I felt awful since it was Christmas and I was going to be intruding...let alone the fact that it was our fault that he got out of bed at 2am and I didn't know anyone except his daughter.
Well, they got us un-stuck and we started following him back to his house. It was slow because the roads had been grated but they were still nasty (the wind was horrible and was just blowing the snow right back across the roads). We got about 3/4 of the way there and got stuck again. It wasn't nearly as bad. We had just been driving in his tracks (he had a big 4WD truck and had no problem) but we hit another drift that was just too big for us. Travis got us backed up and he tried to drive over the drift a few times to pack it down, but it didn't work. So he ended up hooking up a chain to the front of the car and pulling us through.
We got to their house and he had us park in his neighbor's drive (they aren't living there right now and he said it'd be better than leaving my car in the street). Once we got everything we needed (and everything that could freeze) unloaded, we started getting warm and trying to get Bella ready to at least get a little more sleep.
She wasn't having that. She had slept for quite awhile and was ready to play again. Luckily my little sister's friend said she was wide awake and offered to play with Bella for awhile so we could get some rest. I wanted to hug her, but I was so exhausted that I couldn't.
Unfortunately that didn't last long either, because Bella got really fussy for her and she didn't know what to do. I got her fed and changed again and she finally went back to sleep for a little bit. It only lasted about two-three hours, but when she woke up my sister's friend came back out and offered to take her for awhile again. I slept for about another hour and then went downstairs to hang out, because I knew getting more sleep was out of the question. (By that time it was about 8AM.)
That's when I met her mom. It was not nearly as uncomfortable as I expected because their other kids were stuck in Topeka because of the storm and they were all sorts of excited to have company, especially a baby. I got to hang out and relax while they were playing with Bella and keeping her entertained. She got a little fussy but not too bad. Travis slept in until 1pm. I wanted to wake him up because I was more than a little jealous of him getting to sleep in, but I knew he needed his rest from driving through the storm the night before.
We were there until about 3pm when my parents were finally able to make it over to pick us up. They said the roads were still too bad to try to bring my car, so we had to load anything we could up in the blazer and leave my car where it was until the roads were better. We had to leave a few things in the car, but not much.
My sisters, nephews, and brother in law were all waiting for us when we got home. I was excited to see them all but I had been so stressed out that my mom and I went straight to the kitchen for a shot. My mom had brought Bella in the house while I helped unload the blazer and by the time I made it in the house my older sister had already stole Bella and was cuddling her. It was so nice to know that there were other people there to help with her so I could just relax for awhile. (I had help that morning, but I felt awkward since I didn't really know anyone except my sister's friend...and eventhough I trusted her it felt like I was pushing my kid off on her.)
I barely saw my own daughter that evening. We ate dinner, played with my nephews, got settled and opened presents and all I really did with Bella was give her a bath and open presents. I felt bad though because she was still kind of a grump from being in the carseat for so long, but at least they were finally getting to meet her!
The rest of the night went alright. She was kind of a fusspot but she had been awake most of the day so she went to bed at a somewhat normal time and slept pretty well. The next day Travis and my dad went over to get the car since the roads had been cleared out quite a bit.
Since then Bella has returned to her usual goofy self. She loves having people talk to her and will sit there and just coo and giggle when people make funny noises at her. I'm happy that we get to stay here until the 8th or so, but I am already dreading the ride back to New Jersey and I'm honestly more than a little worried about the well-being of my cat, who is currently being taken care of by Travis's sister. She's got an automatic feeder and water dish, but it'll need filled at least twice while we're gone and his sister has trouble remembering to feed her own cats. I've been bugging Travis to keep asking her how Duckie is doing because if my cat doesn't have food or water or acts like she's been neglected when I get back, there will be hell to pay.
Blah. Okay, so I guess that's enough of an update for now. I SHOULD go to bed, but I think I'm going to go browse the web some more because I've had a lot of caffeine today and I finally got rid of my headache!
So much for making my blog pretty...
Well so much for making my blog pretty. Apparently the Adsense stuff doesn't want to work with the HTML coding that I used. :( That makes me a little sad because I worked hard on getting it the way I wanted it!
Hmph.
Oh well. I guess its back to trolling the internet to find a setup that I like. Hopefully I'll have it looking decent again here soon.
Anyway, I guess I should go ahead and update...but I'll do that later. I'm kind of anal retentive when it comes to how this thing looks. I have no idea why.
Hmph.
Oh well. I guess its back to trolling the internet to find a setup that I like. Hopefully I'll have it looking decent again here soon.
Anyway, I guess I should go ahead and update...but I'll do that later. I'm kind of anal retentive when it comes to how this thing looks. I have no idea why.
December 21, 2009
Ditched Disposables!
This event is great! I've never done a giveaway before, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I win. I'm so excited to try to get started cloth diapering!
December 20, 2009
YAYYYYYYYYYYYY!
So, I've been so excited about the thought of trying cloth diapers...but they're so expensive! Wellllll...today I found a lot of cloth diapers on ebay for $15. There's 8 of them and everything looked good, sooooo I am going to try them. If nothing else, its not several hundred dollars wasted, and if they do work, then hell yeah!
Woo!!! Now...unfortunately it'll be between 18-30 days til I get them...but I'm so excited!!! ::happy dance::
Woo!!! Now...unfortunately it'll be between 18-30 days til I get them...but I'm so excited!!! ::happy dance::
Babies watching TV...
Okay, so I know some people have started freaking out about letting babies watch TV, but I want to say one thing to those people.
Go to hell.
There are days where Bella will fuss for hours. I can change her, feed her, play with her, walk around, etc etc etc...and NOTHING helps. So if she calms down and starts laughing/cooing when she sees the TV, then damnit she's going to watch TV for a little bit. I'd rather have her watch TV for a few minutes and be happy than have her scream for hours on end and not be able to do ANYTHING about it.
So, in summary, if you don't want to let your child watch TV, that's fine, that's your choice. But I'm not going to let my baby cry until she's blue in the face if she just wants some pretty colors to look at.
Go to hell.
There are days where Bella will fuss for hours. I can change her, feed her, play with her, walk around, etc etc etc...and NOTHING helps. So if she calms down and starts laughing/cooing when she sees the TV, then damnit she's going to watch TV for a little bit. I'd rather have her watch TV for a few minutes and be happy than have her scream for hours on end and not be able to do ANYTHING about it.
So, in summary, if you don't want to let your child watch TV, that's fine, that's your choice. But I'm not going to let my baby cry until she's blue in the face if she just wants some pretty colors to look at.
December 19, 2009
Redesigned...
Just spent all day redesigning this stupid blog. I'm so irritated right now. I am going to have nightmares about HTML tonight.
What really sucks is that its still under construction and I can't figure out how to add any more ads. I usually hate them, but I'm hoping to make a little money off this damn thing.
Grrrrrrrrrrr.
I need a stiff drink.
What really sucks is that its still under construction and I can't figure out how to add any more ads. I usually hate them, but I'm hoping to make a little money off this damn thing.
Grrrrrrrrrrr.
I need a stiff drink.
December 18, 2009
Unpopular opinions and confessions
I cringe every time someone says "yous". It seems totally normal out here and it drives me batty. "What are yous guys doing?" makes you sound like an uneducated fool.
It irritates me when I see people dress their babies in jeans that cut into their little tummies. It looks so uncomfortable and makes the baby look like its shaped funny.
I'm not a fan of all the jungle themed baby decor that was EVERYWHERE when we were preparing for Bella. All I ever saw was little cartoon giraffes, lions, and elephants. Now, don't get me wrong, I love the monkey stuff that's out there, but it seems like everything has all kinds of animals all over it. It just irks me.
I like watching Jersey Shore on MTV (well I watch it online during the daytime because Travis hates it) just because it shows how stupid some people out here are. No matter what some people will try to tell you, there ARE a LOT of people out here that act like that. Don't believe the whole 'oh, people don't really are like that here' bullshit. They do. Travis used to be like some of those idiots. I've said it many times before, but if I had met him before he joined the military, I probably wouldn't have gone near him, let alone talk to him or date him.
I've been debating on just staying in Kansas when we go back for the holidays. I guess I'm just so sick of it here that I need my friends and family around. I feel like Travis is the only one who can help me. All of his family have given me the "if you need anything, we're always here for you" crap, but thats exactly what it is, crap. Not a single person that has said they're going to come visit or whatever ever has. Every person in his family has said that they wanted to stop by and see Bella but they don't. I don't get a break. Ever. Travis is the only one who can take Bella off my hands for a little bit and I feel awful making him take her sometimes because I know he's tired and he does so much for us. I guess it pisses me off that his family expects us to cart Bella all over South Jersey to see them so they can play with her, but the second we need anyone, everyone disappears.
Sometimes, if I'm getting emotional about something, all I want to do is cuddle with Bella. I've picked her up out of her crib (when she was sleeping) a couple times because I got super hormonal and wanted to hold her.
I wish I could change the amount of time that the bouncy seat will vibrate for. Sometimes Bella will wake up as soon as it stop vibrating and I just want her to sleep longer.
It irritates me when I see people dress their babies in jeans that cut into their little tummies. It looks so uncomfortable and makes the baby look like its shaped funny.
I'm not a fan of all the jungle themed baby decor that was EVERYWHERE when we were preparing for Bella. All I ever saw was little cartoon giraffes, lions, and elephants. Now, don't get me wrong, I love the monkey stuff that's out there, but it seems like everything has all kinds of animals all over it. It just irks me.
I like watching Jersey Shore on MTV (well I watch it online during the daytime because Travis hates it) just because it shows how stupid some people out here are. No matter what some people will try to tell you, there ARE a LOT of people out here that act like that. Don't believe the whole 'oh, people don't really are like that here' bullshit. They do. Travis used to be like some of those idiots. I've said it many times before, but if I had met him before he joined the military, I probably wouldn't have gone near him, let alone talk to him or date him.
I've been debating on just staying in Kansas when we go back for the holidays. I guess I'm just so sick of it here that I need my friends and family around. I feel like Travis is the only one who can help me. All of his family have given me the "if you need anything, we're always here for you" crap, but thats exactly what it is, crap. Not a single person that has said they're going to come visit or whatever ever has. Every person in his family has said that they wanted to stop by and see Bella but they don't. I don't get a break. Ever. Travis is the only one who can take Bella off my hands for a little bit and I feel awful making him take her sometimes because I know he's tired and he does so much for us. I guess it pisses me off that his family expects us to cart Bella all over South Jersey to see them so they can play with her, but the second we need anyone, everyone disappears.
Sometimes, if I'm getting emotional about something, all I want to do is cuddle with Bella. I've picked her up out of her crib (when she was sleeping) a couple times because I got super hormonal and wanted to hold her.
I wish I could change the amount of time that the bouncy seat will vibrate for. Sometimes Bella will wake up as soon as it stop vibrating and I just want her to sleep longer.
December 17, 2009
What I honestly would REALLY love for X-mas.
Okay, so I'm always so happy to get any gifts at all, especially with how the economy is. I know money is tight for everyone, but there are a few things that I would absolutely love if I got for Christmas (or I'd get myself if I could afford it)...
Cloth diapers. I really want to start using cloth diapers for Bella but its just so expensive to get started. Travis isn't 100% on board with the idea, but he's not totally against it either. He knows it'd save a lot of money and he thinks they're cute, but he's admitted that he's afraid to change a cloth diaper if its dirty. lol I would be nervous about it at first. It'd take some getting used to, but I would be fine with it. Also, and I can't believe that I'm about to admit this, I've started warming up to the idea of having more than one kid. Ugh, I wince everytime I thinkt hat. Anyhow, cloth diapers would save us a LOT if we had them for a second baby, too. I am NOT saying that another baby is in the plans, at least not for quite awhile, but IF it happens, then we'd have them!
Glass bottles. We have a set of three 4oz glass bottles and I LOVE them. I dont know why, really, but I definitely love them. I've tried to convince Travis that we need more, but for some reason he likes the plastic. It irritates me because (and I'm going to go there again...I'll curse myself later) I would be okay with keeping the glass bottles...plastic...not so much.
A computer desk/office area. I love being organized, but I can NOT share a desk with Travis. He is such a mess sometimes. I miss having my own office area and being able to keep things organized. It makes me feel in control of something. Any kind of sanity like that would make me VERY happy right now.
This tarot deck. Tarot is a personal fascination of mine, and the Gilded deck is absolutely beautiful. I've looked at it several times in Borders, but the cards are supposed to be a gift. :( Sad Tonia.
Cute (and warm) clothes that actually fit. My wardrobe is depressing and eventhough I am determined about losing my baby weight (no matter how lazy I feel lately) I would love to have clothes that fit me properly. I want to feel pretty again!
A maid service. Seriously, this would be a godsend. I try to clean, but I don't really have the time to deep clean anything and I WANT to. I want to scrub the bathroom down with a toothbrush! Its getting ridiculous and I can't do anything about it.
A new comforter that feels like the one I have but it prettier. Haha Mine is so digustingly comfy, its sad. I have tried getting new ones that are prettier, but they are just not the same.
And of course, to win the lottery so I can take care of my family and friends.
Cloth diapers. I really want to start using cloth diapers for Bella but its just so expensive to get started. Travis isn't 100% on board with the idea, but he's not totally against it either. He knows it'd save a lot of money and he thinks they're cute, but he's admitted that he's afraid to change a cloth diaper if its dirty. lol I would be nervous about it at first. It'd take some getting used to, but I would be fine with it. Also, and I can't believe that I'm about to admit this, I've started warming up to the idea of having more than one kid. Ugh, I wince everytime I thinkt hat. Anyhow, cloth diapers would save us a LOT if we had them for a second baby, too. I am NOT saying that another baby is in the plans, at least not for quite awhile, but IF it happens, then we'd have them!
Glass bottles. We have a set of three 4oz glass bottles and I LOVE them. I dont know why, really, but I definitely love them. I've tried to convince Travis that we need more, but for some reason he likes the plastic. It irritates me because (and I'm going to go there again...I'll curse myself later) I would be okay with keeping the glass bottles...plastic...not so much.
A computer desk/office area. I love being organized, but I can NOT share a desk with Travis. He is such a mess sometimes. I miss having my own office area and being able to keep things organized. It makes me feel in control of something. Any kind of sanity like that would make me VERY happy right now.
This tarot deck. Tarot is a personal fascination of mine, and the Gilded deck is absolutely beautiful. I've looked at it several times in Borders, but the cards are supposed to be a gift. :( Sad Tonia.
Cute (and warm) clothes that actually fit. My wardrobe is depressing and eventhough I am determined about losing my baby weight (no matter how lazy I feel lately) I would love to have clothes that fit me properly. I want to feel pretty again!
A maid service. Seriously, this would be a godsend. I try to clean, but I don't really have the time to deep clean anything and I WANT to. I want to scrub the bathroom down with a toothbrush! Its getting ridiculous and I can't do anything about it.
A new comforter that feels like the one I have but it prettier. Haha Mine is so digustingly comfy, its sad. I have tried getting new ones that are prettier, but they are just not the same.
And of course, to win the lottery so I can take care of my family and friends.
December 15, 2009
Check and check...
Christmas cards mailed. Check.
Boxes mailed. Check.
Progress on Travis's gifts. Check.
Everything else? Uncheck. =\
I have sooooooo much to do in the next few days. I dont even know where to start. I should be working on things right now, because Bella is sleeping, but I'm afraid of making any noise and waking her up. Its getting to be crunch time, and we've got a lot done but I'm so worried that we're not going to finish everything on time. I have a HUGE to do list, but all I really want to do is sleep and pack for our trip to KS.
Blah. I need motivation. Coffee is always good, but then I can't sleep. =\ Damnit.
Boxes mailed. Check.
Progress on Travis's gifts. Check.
Everything else? Uncheck. =\
I have sooooooo much to do in the next few days. I dont even know where to start. I should be working on things right now, because Bella is sleeping, but I'm afraid of making any noise and waking her up. Its getting to be crunch time, and we've got a lot done but I'm so worried that we're not going to finish everything on time. I have a HUGE to do list, but all I really want to do is sleep and pack for our trip to KS.
Blah. I need motivation. Coffee is always good, but then I can't sleep. =\ Damnit.
December 12, 2009
December 11, 2009
My unpopular confessions and random babblings.
- I think that people who insist that others say 'Merry Christmas' are bigots. Do some research before you try to tell me that Christmas was the 'original' holiday/came first and that I should 'respect tradition'. If someone says Happy Holidays to you, there's a good chance that they're saying it so they don't offend anyone else's religious views.
- I hate decorative towels. Especially white/cream ones. They end up looking dirty, whether they get used or not, and really...what's the point?
- Sometimes, I play dumb around Travis and let him explain things to me so he feels smarter. Sometimes he'll explain it wrong/weird and I want to correct him, but it makes him feel better about himself to be right and after everything he's done for me, I think I can give him that.
- I think the idea of paying a child for getting good grades is absolutely ridiculous. I can't even explain how stupid I think this is, but let me say this. It's a cop out. Motivating a child to learn is part of a parent's job, and giving them money is teaching them thats is perfectly fine to half-ass things or take the easy way out.
- When I was growing up, we very rarely had dessert after a meal, so around people who have it after EVERY meal, I get a little weirded out. For example, Travis's family is the type to always have some kind of dessert. Last night when we were at dinner, his cousins, who are 9 and 13, (and who do not eat the actual meal, they have to have certain foods made for them, because they refuse to try anything new) ate a tiny meal, as in a couple bites of pasta, and then ran off to watch TV while the adults finished eating. They kept running back downstairs, asking if dessert was ready. When we were cleaning up, their grandmother asked if they were going to help clean up at all. Their response was "No, I dont think so, just let me know when dessert is ready" and they ran off again. That alone is bad enough, but when they finally did come back down for dessert, they both took 15 cookies (yes, 15 each was their "limit") and left again. This irritates the hell out of me. If a child isn't going to eat a meal, they shouldn't get dessert. Period. Also, children should not be raised to think that they 'deserve' dessert, especially if they're rude and don't help with cleaning up. I see this every week and I cannot wrap my head around how someone can raise their children to act this way.
- I love bright colored clothes for Bella, and eventhough I appreciate any gift someone gives me, I always get a little irked when people give us pale pink clothes. There's so many bright, pretty colored clothes out there, but pale pink is all anyone (except my older sister, because she knows I don't like the color) gives us.
- I think that there needs to be a system in place to give those who claim that they are trying to make ends meet, but cant, jobs that they HAVE to work their ass off at. I've had too many people tell me that they are working SO hard to get by, but it turns out they were working one part-time job and turning down 'harder' work because they didn't want to do it. Travis and I arent even able to make ends meet right now, and if I could find a job that was going to pay more than I'd pay in daycare, I'd take it (I dont see the point in taking a job that would end up costing me money, instead of letting someone else who could actually make money that they could USE get it). I don't care if it was serious manual labor and 12+ hours a day. I'd take it. Yes, I'd miss my baby more than anything, but I want her to have a better life than we have now, and I'm willing to work for it.
- I believe that gay marriage should be legal. I don't care what your religion says, I believe that LAW and RELIGION should be kept seperate. If people start mixing religion and politics, who knows what will happen. I'd rather not be at the risk of treason because I don't go to church.
- I love Travis, and I fully trust him, but I am afraid to leave him alone with Bella for extended periods of time. I am afraid that he'll realize how hard it can be sometimes and that he'll get frustrated with Bella.
- I hate decorative towels. Especially white/cream ones. They end up looking dirty, whether they get used or not, and really...what's the point?
- Sometimes, I play dumb around Travis and let him explain things to me so he feels smarter. Sometimes he'll explain it wrong/weird and I want to correct him, but it makes him feel better about himself to be right and after everything he's done for me, I think I can give him that.
- I think the idea of paying a child for getting good grades is absolutely ridiculous. I can't even explain how stupid I think this is, but let me say this. It's a cop out. Motivating a child to learn is part of a parent's job, and giving them money is teaching them thats is perfectly fine to half-ass things or take the easy way out.
- When I was growing up, we very rarely had dessert after a meal, so around people who have it after EVERY meal, I get a little weirded out. For example, Travis's family is the type to always have some kind of dessert. Last night when we were at dinner, his cousins, who are 9 and 13, (and who do not eat the actual meal, they have to have certain foods made for them, because they refuse to try anything new) ate a tiny meal, as in a couple bites of pasta, and then ran off to watch TV while the adults finished eating. They kept running back downstairs, asking if dessert was ready. When we were cleaning up, their grandmother asked if they were going to help clean up at all. Their response was "No, I dont think so, just let me know when dessert is ready" and they ran off again. That alone is bad enough, but when they finally did come back down for dessert, they both took 15 cookies (yes, 15 each was their "limit") and left again. This irritates the hell out of me. If a child isn't going to eat a meal, they shouldn't get dessert. Period. Also, children should not be raised to think that they 'deserve' dessert, especially if they're rude and don't help with cleaning up. I see this every week and I cannot wrap my head around how someone can raise their children to act this way.
- I love bright colored clothes for Bella, and eventhough I appreciate any gift someone gives me, I always get a little irked when people give us pale pink clothes. There's so many bright, pretty colored clothes out there, but pale pink is all anyone (except my older sister, because she knows I don't like the color) gives us.
- I think that there needs to be a system in place to give those who claim that they are trying to make ends meet, but cant, jobs that they HAVE to work their ass off at. I've had too many people tell me that they are working SO hard to get by, but it turns out they were working one part-time job and turning down 'harder' work because they didn't want to do it. Travis and I arent even able to make ends meet right now, and if I could find a job that was going to pay more than I'd pay in daycare, I'd take it (I dont see the point in taking a job that would end up costing me money, instead of letting someone else who could actually make money that they could USE get it). I don't care if it was serious manual labor and 12+ hours a day. I'd take it. Yes, I'd miss my baby more than anything, but I want her to have a better life than we have now, and I'm willing to work for it.
- I believe that gay marriage should be legal. I don't care what your religion says, I believe that LAW and RELIGION should be kept seperate. If people start mixing religion and politics, who knows what will happen. I'd rather not be at the risk of treason because I don't go to church.
- I love Travis, and I fully trust him, but I am afraid to leave him alone with Bella for extended periods of time. I am afraid that he'll realize how hard it can be sometimes and that he'll get frustrated with Bella.
December 9, 2009
How to waste a lot of time...
Okay, so this really depends on your sense of humor, I guess, but these sites are a great way to waste a lot of time...
http://failblog.org/
http://icanhascheezburger.com/
http://ihasahotdog.com/
http://roflrazzi.com/
http://totallylookslike.com/
http://punditkitchen.com/
http://upnextinsports.com/
http://graphjam.com/
http://onceuponawin.com/
http://engrishfunny.com/
http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/
http://textsfromlastnight.com/
http://thechive.com/
http://craftastrophe.net/
http://ikeahacker.blogspot.com/
http://mylifeisaverage.com/
http://thebloggess.com/
http://www.worldwidefred.com/home.htm
http://epicute.com/
http://faildogs.com/
http://myfirstfail.com/
http://dailysquee.com/
http://lovelylisting.com/
http://cuteoverload.com/
http://stfuparents.tumblr.com/
http://www.thispeanutlookslikeaduck.com/quack/
http://thereifixedit.com/
http://itmademyday.com/
http://wedinator.com/
http://pictureisunrelated.com/
http://photoshopdisasters.blogspot.com/
http://www.urlesque.com/
http://www.dlisted.com/
http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays
http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/
http://probablybadnews.com/
http://verydemotivational.com/
http://www.theonion.com/content/index
http://failblog.org/
http://icanhascheezburger.com/
http://ihasahotdog.com/
http://roflrazzi.com/
http://totallylookslike.com/
http://punditkitchen.com/
http://upnextinsports.com/
http://graphjam.com/
http://onceuponawin.com/
http://engrishfunny.com/
http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/
http://textsfromlastnight.com/
http://thechive.com/
http://craftastrophe.net/
http://ikeahacker.blogspot.com/
http://mylifeisaverage.com/
http://thebloggess.com/
http://www.worldwidefred.com/home.htm
http://epicute.com/
http://faildogs.com/
http://myfirstfail.com/
http://dailysquee.com/
http://lovelylisting.com/
http://cuteoverload.com/
http://stfuparents.tumblr.com/
http://www.thispeanutlookslikeaduck.com/quack/
http://thereifixedit.com/
http://itmademyday.com/
http://wedinator.com/
http://pictureisunrelated.com/
http://photoshopdisasters.blogspot.com/
http://www.urlesque.com/
http://www.dlisted.com/
http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays
http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/
http://probablybadnews.com/
http://verydemotivational.com/
http://www.theonion.com/content/index
The madness continues
Alright, so I've been totally slacking on updating, lately, but I have a very good reason...
Teething.
And life has been all around insane lately. I feel like a barely have time to think (unless I stay awake at night to clear my head, of course...but that ends up making me so tired that I can barely function).
So...anyway...on to updates.
Bella has definitely found her hands. She's all around staring at them. Its really cute, but it causes an issue when she starts getting her hands closer and closer to her face and then ends up poking herself in the eye.
I've started figuring out all the stuff that I want to do for Christmas gifts. I'm planning on doing a lot of rice pillows for people. I've got quite a list going for Travis. So far I'm planning on doing 'coupons' for things like a free massage, boys night out, 'game time' (where I won't nag him for it), etc; a 'daddy box' filled with little things 'from' Bella (including her ID bracelet from the hospital, her handprints, and a picture of her decked out in her I love daddy gear); and a few other things that I can't remember at the moment (which sucks because I forgot to write them down too...damnit). I am truly clueless about what to do for Bella. We can't really afford much for her, so I've still got to keep thinking.
We did a 'photo shoot' with Bella tonight. Travis's friend Chris came over and he did a little mini photo shoot with her. The pictures turned out alright, but the funniest part was definitely when he was in 'photographer mode'. He was standing on the coffee table and laying on the floor and just being goofy. He was actually doing the whole french accent and 'tossing his camera' saying he was done and whatnot just to be dorky. Definitely a lot of fun. I'll probably end up taking more pictures for her 'christmas pics', though. There weren't a lot that turned out how I wanted, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings because he was so excited to get to play photographer.
Also, Travis and I are thinking about starting an Etsy store. He really likes the idea, but I'm not sure we can start yet. I think we'll wait until after the holidays, when things settle down a little bit. So far, I know he wants to do 'cookie mix' jars (he's a baker...he also had the idea of doing the lactation cookie mix, which I think is a good idea, because sometimes the ingredients are a pain in the ass to find). I'll probably do some of the rice pillows, handmade jewelry, and several other random things. I'm very crafty, but its always a mix of so many things. We'll see how that all turns out. Maybe if I get a sewing machine (which we plan on doing sometime) I'll get into it and start making baby slings and the 'miracle wrap' dress/skirt things.
Ugh. Okay, the munchkin is about ready for bed. Hopefully I'll get a chance to update more soon.
Teething.
And life has been all around insane lately. I feel like a barely have time to think (unless I stay awake at night to clear my head, of course...but that ends up making me so tired that I can barely function).
So...anyway...on to updates.
Bella has definitely found her hands. She's all around staring at them. Its really cute, but it causes an issue when she starts getting her hands closer and closer to her face and then ends up poking herself in the eye.
I've started figuring out all the stuff that I want to do for Christmas gifts. I'm planning on doing a lot of rice pillows for people. I've got quite a list going for Travis. So far I'm planning on doing 'coupons' for things like a free massage, boys night out, 'game time' (where I won't nag him for it), etc; a 'daddy box' filled with little things 'from' Bella (including her ID bracelet from the hospital, her handprints, and a picture of her decked out in her I love daddy gear); and a few other things that I can't remember at the moment (which sucks because I forgot to write them down too...damnit). I am truly clueless about what to do for Bella. We can't really afford much for her, so I've still got to keep thinking.
We did a 'photo shoot' with Bella tonight. Travis's friend Chris came over and he did a little mini photo shoot with her. The pictures turned out alright, but the funniest part was definitely when he was in 'photographer mode'. He was standing on the coffee table and laying on the floor and just being goofy. He was actually doing the whole french accent and 'tossing his camera' saying he was done and whatnot just to be dorky. Definitely a lot of fun. I'll probably end up taking more pictures for her 'christmas pics', though. There weren't a lot that turned out how I wanted, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings because he was so excited to get to play photographer.
Also, Travis and I are thinking about starting an Etsy store. He really likes the idea, but I'm not sure we can start yet. I think we'll wait until after the holidays, when things settle down a little bit. So far, I know he wants to do 'cookie mix' jars (he's a baker...he also had the idea of doing the lactation cookie mix, which I think is a good idea, because sometimes the ingredients are a pain in the ass to find). I'll probably do some of the rice pillows, handmade jewelry, and several other random things. I'm very crafty, but its always a mix of so many things. We'll see how that all turns out. Maybe if I get a sewing machine (which we plan on doing sometime) I'll get into it and start making baby slings and the 'miracle wrap' dress/skirt things.
Ugh. Okay, the munchkin is about ready for bed. Hopefully I'll get a chance to update more soon.
December 5, 2009
I'm up for rent
Its the holidays again and of course that means I'm broke. This last year has been bad, but its really bad now because I feel bad that I can't really get Bella much. We've got to watch every penny we spend, so we'll be able to have enough money to get out to KS and back for Christmas, and its frustrating. I want to be able to get Bella all kinds of toys, clothes, etc, but right now we're lucky to get the essentials.
I think I just need to rent myself out.
I cook, clean, babysit, organize, entertain, and can be a personal masseuse. Anyone need my services? :P
I think I just need to rent myself out.
I cook, clean, babysit, organize, entertain, and can be a personal masseuse. Anyone need my services? :P
December 4, 2009
I give in!
To whoever sent the marching band into my head and told them to beat the crap out of my brain while playing really awful music, please make them stop. It hurts and I want to crawl into a dark cave and not come out for awhile. :( Not cool.
I'm not allowed to nap
So, after battling exhaustion the last few days, I have decided that it is better that I just stay kind of tired throughout the day than try to nap and get completely and totally exhausted. I still don't have any clue why I am getting so tired. I know I haven't been sleeping real well, but I feel like I haven't even gotten to close my eyes in the past three months. Travis actually had to stay home after his lunch yesterday because I was literally falling asleep while feeding Bella. I could NOT function. I need to figure this shit out. I hate feeling tired.
Anyhow...I have finally got some ideas for Christmas gifts. Since money is so tight, we'll be making most of our gifts, and they will be pretty simple, but I have got to get started soon. One of the things that it going to be taking the longest is the clipboard calendars. I've made them before and they're a really fun idea but its SUCH a pain to do manually. Its hard to describe them. I'll have to post pics when I finish one. We're hoping to do them for a few people in Travis's family.
To be honest, I'm a little iffy about giving his family anything. Last year I made his grandmother a rosary and was actually really happy with how it turned out...and when I gave it to her she just said "oh, okay" and tossed it aside. It took a lot of work figuring out how to make it and whatnot, since I'm not Catholic and I really didn't even know what a rosary consisted of, but I made it and Travis got it blessed by his mother's favorite priest (she passed in Sept of 08). And she just fucking tossed it aside.
I'm still a little sore about that, can you tell?
Anyway, we'll also be doing a few other little crafty things...if I can get my ass in gear and actually start them all. I think we need to hit up a craft store this weekend to find a few of the little things I'm going to need (magnetic strip and a piece of sheet metal). Hopefully once I get everything we can start getting them done.
Blah. So...in other news for this week, we have our trees up. And yes I mean trees. We have the tree in the living room, that we bought but weren't allowed to decorate because God forbid we don't decorate it how their mother would have. We also have a small tree in Bella's room that I didn't get to decorate because I was folding clothes while Travis decorated it. Yeah, a little sore about that too. He got to put up both of our ornaments (one for our family and one for Bella) and I didn't do shit. -.-
Oh, and the house looks like someone threw up decorations everywhere. Apparently their mother used to go a little overboard, and his sister insists on doing things how 'mommy' did them (sorry but it irks me that a 21 yr old still refers to her mother as mommy...never just mom...then again, she acts like a 5 yr old, so that doesn't help). So I have to tiptoe around the house to avoid knocking things over.
Ooooh AND there are currently five Christmas stockings up...and none of them are for me or Bella.... She hung up hers, Travis's, her gf's, their mom's and their mom's bf's...she did this because she didn't want there to be enough room for Bella or me to have stockings. WTF? Seriously, I'm ready to move. THAT would be my ideal Christmas present. As I've said many times before, I'd rather be back in KS in my tiny ass studio apartment than in this fucking house.
Anyway, its probably time for me to go make the monkey a bottle. She's been napping for awhile and she looks like she's starting to stir.
Anyhow...I have finally got some ideas for Christmas gifts. Since money is so tight, we'll be making most of our gifts, and they will be pretty simple, but I have got to get started soon. One of the things that it going to be taking the longest is the clipboard calendars. I've made them before and they're a really fun idea but its SUCH a pain to do manually. Its hard to describe them. I'll have to post pics when I finish one. We're hoping to do them for a few people in Travis's family.
To be honest, I'm a little iffy about giving his family anything. Last year I made his grandmother a rosary and was actually really happy with how it turned out...and when I gave it to her she just said "oh, okay" and tossed it aside. It took a lot of work figuring out how to make it and whatnot, since I'm not Catholic and I really didn't even know what a rosary consisted of, but I made it and Travis got it blessed by his mother's favorite priest (she passed in Sept of 08). And she just fucking tossed it aside.
I'm still a little sore about that, can you tell?
Anyway, we'll also be doing a few other little crafty things...if I can get my ass in gear and actually start them all. I think we need to hit up a craft store this weekend to find a few of the little things I'm going to need (magnetic strip and a piece of sheet metal). Hopefully once I get everything we can start getting them done.
Blah. So...in other news for this week, we have our trees up. And yes I mean trees. We have the tree in the living room, that we bought but weren't allowed to decorate because God forbid we don't decorate it how their mother would have. We also have a small tree in Bella's room that I didn't get to decorate because I was folding clothes while Travis decorated it. Yeah, a little sore about that too. He got to put up both of our ornaments (one for our family and one for Bella) and I didn't do shit. -.-
Oh, and the house looks like someone threw up decorations everywhere. Apparently their mother used to go a little overboard, and his sister insists on doing things how 'mommy' did them (sorry but it irks me that a 21 yr old still refers to her mother as mommy...never just mom...then again, she acts like a 5 yr old, so that doesn't help). So I have to tiptoe around the house to avoid knocking things over.
Ooooh AND there are currently five Christmas stockings up...and none of them are for me or Bella.... She hung up hers, Travis's, her gf's, their mom's and their mom's bf's...she did this because she didn't want there to be enough room for Bella or me to have stockings. WTF? Seriously, I'm ready to move. THAT would be my ideal Christmas present. As I've said many times before, I'd rather be back in KS in my tiny ass studio apartment than in this fucking house.
Anyway, its probably time for me to go make the monkey a bottle. She's been napping for awhile and she looks like she's starting to stir.
December 1, 2009
Okay I need to bitch
I need to bitch about people telling me they're tired... I'm sick of hearing it. I'm sick of hearing how people "have" to hit snooze ten times in the morning before they can roll out of bed. It must be nice to have a chance to wake up before you have to jump out of bed and rush around. I, on the other hand, get up whenever Bella decides its time to wake up. No snooze button, no crawling out of bed, none of that shit.
I. am. fucking. tired.
The worst is that Travis has been complaining about being tired ALL the time lately. I'm getting really irritated by it. I go to sleep after him...I get up before him...and I dont have a chance to sit and just clear my head during the day because I have to take care of Bella... And THEN he has the audacity to act like he's doing me a favor when he gets up with her ONCE on the weekends. She still sleeps through the night and all, but she wakes up fairly early in the morning and its tiring getting up so early, because once I am up and around, I can't fall back asleep. Travis, on the other hand, can get her back to sleep and goes back to sleep for three hours...and yet he still bitches about it.
I'm pissy. I know I'm PMS'ing right now, but goddamnit I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of catching attitude because I need a fucking break when he gets home from work. He admits that he doesn't do shit at work, but yet he still acts like he just worked his ass off and I'm being a huge bitch by asking him to watch HIS daughter so I can relax for ten minutes.
We both need a vacation...I know we do...but Christmas is not coming fast enough.
I. am. fucking. tired.
The worst is that Travis has been complaining about being tired ALL the time lately. I'm getting really irritated by it. I go to sleep after him...I get up before him...and I dont have a chance to sit and just clear my head during the day because I have to take care of Bella... And THEN he has the audacity to act like he's doing me a favor when he gets up with her ONCE on the weekends. She still sleeps through the night and all, but she wakes up fairly early in the morning and its tiring getting up so early, because once I am up and around, I can't fall back asleep. Travis, on the other hand, can get her back to sleep and goes back to sleep for three hours...and yet he still bitches about it.
I'm pissy. I know I'm PMS'ing right now, but goddamnit I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of catching attitude because I need a fucking break when he gets home from work. He admits that he doesn't do shit at work, but yet he still acts like he just worked his ass off and I'm being a huge bitch by asking him to watch HIS daughter so I can relax for ten minutes.
We both need a vacation...I know we do...but Christmas is not coming fast enough.
It's December
It's December...what does that mean for my life?
It means that I will be visiting Neopets.com to collect my advent prizes...lol Yep, I am THAT lame...I've done this for...8 years or so now...
I know it won't help much, but I just really want paintbrushes!
(If you've never played the game, none of this will make sense...That's normal...not everyone is as geeky as me. =\ )
It means that I will be visiting Neopets.com to collect my advent prizes...lol Yep, I am THAT lame...I've done this for...8 years or so now...
I know it won't help much, but I just really want paintbrushes!
(If you've never played the game, none of this will make sense...That's normal...not everyone is as geeky as me. =\ )
November 30, 2009
I have recently discovered...
I have recently discovered that I have a freckle between two of my toes (I couldn't see my feet for several months, so this is news to me), AND I can wiggle my ears.
So now, I spend a lot of time looking at my foot and subconciously wiggling my ears.
So now, I spend a lot of time looking at my foot and subconciously wiggling my ears.
Rundown of the past week.
An old family friend was killed in a car wreck while driving to his parent's house Thanksgiving morning.
I nearly threw up at Thanksgiving dinner because the turkey was dry but I was trying to be polite and eat it anyway.
Spent roughly 8 hours at Travis's grandmother's house making X-mas cookies (8 hours of using a cookie press means my hands STILL hurt).
Found out NJ doesn't use e-titles, so I have to contact the KS DMV to send me a paper copy of my title so I can re-register my car. And most people here say people in KS are backwoods hicks? Hmmm apparently we're high tech hicks... o.O
On the same note of getting my car registered, I got my car insurance...its ridiculous how much it costs...I have a spotless driving record and yet its still costing an arm, leg, and twelve testicles to insure because prices are so high here. Its understandable, though...considering NJ is ranked 2nd in the nation for bad drivers...KS on the other hand is 4th in the nation for GOOD drivers... And Travis wonders why I don't drive here. (Its because I only learned to drive with people with at least half a brain on the road...I will lose it and start running people over if I try to fight traffic here.)
Bella found her hands. She spends so much time staring at them all cross eyed now. So cute.
I painted some more figures. I hate the stupid snail and butterfly. Too many small tiny places to paint.
My child has been hibernating...which is cool and all, but pretty weird. I'm not used to having free time.
We were almost in a wreck ON the way to the DMV...apparently all the idiots in this state get behind the wheel and decide to slam on the breaks while driving 70mph down the expressway, in the rain, and try to pull a U-turn. Fucking people make me want to slash tires.
We tried doing Xmas pics with Bella...her dress is almost too small already (its size 3-6) and the stocking that we got for her (we wanted to get pics of her IN the stocking) is too small to get any higher than her butt...We got some pics taken. We had to jiggle her butt to get it into the stocking...she loved it. I tried telling Travis it wasn't big enough but I guess thats what we get for having a big baby. :P We'll have to find something else soon...I dont want to cut the stocking because that's what we'll actually be using for her for Christmas.
I nearly threw up at Thanksgiving dinner because the turkey was dry but I was trying to be polite and eat it anyway.
Spent roughly 8 hours at Travis's grandmother's house making X-mas cookies (8 hours of using a cookie press means my hands STILL hurt).
Found out NJ doesn't use e-titles, so I have to contact the KS DMV to send me a paper copy of my title so I can re-register my car. And most people here say people in KS are backwoods hicks? Hmmm apparently we're high tech hicks... o.O
On the same note of getting my car registered, I got my car insurance...its ridiculous how much it costs...I have a spotless driving record and yet its still costing an arm, leg, and twelve testicles to insure because prices are so high here. Its understandable, though...considering NJ is ranked 2nd in the nation for bad drivers...KS on the other hand is 4th in the nation for GOOD drivers... And Travis wonders why I don't drive here. (Its because I only learned to drive with people with at least half a brain on the road...I will lose it and start running people over if I try to fight traffic here.)
Bella found her hands. She spends so much time staring at them all cross eyed now. So cute.
I painted some more figures. I hate the stupid snail and butterfly. Too many small tiny places to paint.
My child has been hibernating...which is cool and all, but pretty weird. I'm not used to having free time.
We were almost in a wreck ON the way to the DMV...apparently all the idiots in this state get behind the wheel and decide to slam on the breaks while driving 70mph down the expressway, in the rain, and try to pull a U-turn. Fucking people make me want to slash tires.
We tried doing Xmas pics with Bella...her dress is almost too small already (its size 3-6) and the stocking that we got for her (we wanted to get pics of her IN the stocking) is too small to get any higher than her butt...We got some pics taken. We had to jiggle her butt to get it into the stocking...she loved it. I tried telling Travis it wasn't big enough but I guess thats what we get for having a big baby. :P We'll have to find something else soon...I dont want to cut the stocking because that's what we'll actually be using for her for Christmas.
November 25, 2009
Tragic
No one should ever lose their baby.
http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/26667505.aspx
I am not ashamed to admit that I cried. I cannot imagine losing my baby girl.
http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/26667505.aspx
I am not ashamed to admit that I cried. I cannot imagine losing my baby girl.
November 24, 2009
Turkey sandwiches for the next three weeks...
A 21lb turkey for 5 people...that's all I'm going to say...
November 22, 2009
Not a great day
To be honest, all I have to say about today is that I'm in a shitty mood and I can't seem to accomplish anything worth a damn. I have a to do list longer than I am tall and my entire life seems to revolve around trying to make a dent in it.
I need a stiff drink.
I need a stiff drink.
November 21, 2009
The list!
The list is finished! I spent most of today getting it done...mainly because my explorer died on me once and I lost about half of my list. To be honest, I can't remember what all was on the half that I lost, so I'm not sure if I put the right things back on it, but oh well. At least there's 101 things that I want to do on it.
Alright...today. Tonight I took a bath with Bella and she had a giggle fit for no reason. It was fucking hilarious. She was belly laughing and all. I need to get a video of her in the bath again. I don't know what it is about bathtime that gets her laughing but its so funny.
Blah. Yeah, okay I can't focus right now, so I'll update again soon, but my brain is just not in it right now.
Alright...today. Tonight I took a bath with Bella and she had a giggle fit for no reason. It was fucking hilarious. She was belly laughing and all. I need to get a video of her in the bath again. I don't know what it is about bathtime that gets her laughing but its so funny.
Blah. Yeah, okay I can't focus right now, so I'll update again soon, but my brain is just not in it right now.
November 20, 2009
Headache and a stiff drink
I've had a headache all day that has just been nagging my right temple. I don't know what has brought it on, but nothing has helped. Travis made me a stiff drink and it is pretty potent, so I've been sipping on it. He denies it, but I'm pretty sure he's trying to get me a little tipsy tonight. No idea, why, though.
Anyway. So Bella rolled over from her belly to her back today. I was so happy. She hasn't acted like she's wanted to lately and then all the sudden today she decided that she wanted to be on her back so it was easier for her to suck on her fists. It was too funny. She was very proud of herself.
We also had a long talk today. I haven't the foggiest idea what it was about, but it was very indepth and she felt very strongly about it. She actually squealed so loud at one point that I jumped. It surprised me, because she's noisy, but that was the loudest she's ever been. It was so cute.
Alright, in other news, I am starting to feel overwhelmed with everything that I have to get done. We only have a week left to get my car insured and reregistered but Travis has really been dragging his feet about getting it done. Its such a headache, but it has to be done. Hopefully we'll get some time this weekend to get it taken care of (at least figure out exactly how/when we're going to do it) because otherwise I am afraid it'll take too long. I've also started getting organized...which of course means the house is a wreck, because in order for me to get organized, I have to tear things apart first. The other day I had a four foot radius of random paperwork around me on the floor. I couldn't even get up to go pee until I got things put in the proper "packets". I really need to get a desk and filing cabinet again. I miss it. It made me feel like I had my life in order.
::sigh:: Let's see...what else...
Oh, so I had bought this monkey holding a really cute blanket for my gift exchange partner, but apparently Travis thought it was for Bella and he threw a hissyfit when I told him it was supposed to be for the gift exchange. He is obsessed with having all kinds of monkey stuff for her, so we gave her the monkey and blanket (she loves it because its bright colors) and I need to find something else to add with my gift. I have no idea what, but I'll figure it out.
I honestly can't believe how fast time is going by. I am having trouble believing that Thanksgiving is coming up this week already. I'm not sure what to expect from the food at Travis's family's Thanksgiving. I don't think I've ever missed a Thanksgiving with my family, so I'm a little depressed about it, but I'm still so happy that we're supposed to go back to KS for two weeks for Christmas. I can't wait to have my sister do pics of Bella with my nephews. I will definitely post pics when she does.
Blah. Okay, Bella is fussing, so its time to go.
Anyway. So Bella rolled over from her belly to her back today. I was so happy. She hasn't acted like she's wanted to lately and then all the sudden today she decided that she wanted to be on her back so it was easier for her to suck on her fists. It was too funny. She was very proud of herself.
We also had a long talk today. I haven't the foggiest idea what it was about, but it was very indepth and she felt very strongly about it. She actually squealed so loud at one point that I jumped. It surprised me, because she's noisy, but that was the loudest she's ever been. It was so cute.
Alright, in other news, I am starting to feel overwhelmed with everything that I have to get done. We only have a week left to get my car insured and reregistered but Travis has really been dragging his feet about getting it done. Its such a headache, but it has to be done. Hopefully we'll get some time this weekend to get it taken care of (at least figure out exactly how/when we're going to do it) because otherwise I am afraid it'll take too long. I've also started getting organized...which of course means the house is a wreck, because in order for me to get organized, I have to tear things apart first. The other day I had a four foot radius of random paperwork around me on the floor. I couldn't even get up to go pee until I got things put in the proper "packets". I really need to get a desk and filing cabinet again. I miss it. It made me feel like I had my life in order.
::sigh:: Let's see...what else...
Oh, so I had bought this monkey holding a really cute blanket for my gift exchange partner, but apparently Travis thought it was for Bella and he threw a hissyfit when I told him it was supposed to be for the gift exchange. He is obsessed with having all kinds of monkey stuff for her, so we gave her the monkey and blanket (she loves it because its bright colors) and I need to find something else to add with my gift. I have no idea what, but I'll figure it out.
I honestly can't believe how fast time is going by. I am having trouble believing that Thanksgiving is coming up this week already. I'm not sure what to expect from the food at Travis's family's Thanksgiving. I don't think I've ever missed a Thanksgiving with my family, so I'm a little depressed about it, but I'm still so happy that we're supposed to go back to KS for two weeks for Christmas. I can't wait to have my sister do pics of Bella with my nephews. I will definitely post pics when she does.
Blah. Okay, Bella is fussing, so its time to go.
Adorable
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/8366386.stm
So cute. I would be asking the cop if I could take the cat. lol
So cute. I would be asking the cop if I could take the cat. lol
November 19, 2009
Mama's Poppin Pills
Tylenol, that is. My neck hurts like hell.
Anyway, I woke up before Bella again this morning. Its a great feeling, but at the same time I can't help but think 'damnit, WHY couldn't I have just gotten a few more minutes of rest?' I know I am a total zombie when she wakes me up, but I have found myself fantasizing about sleeping in. Its ridiculous really.
And of course, the cherry on top is that I changed and fed Bella, and she is back out cold...but I dont know how long it will last, so I dont dare try to go back to sleep. I know better. lol
Alright, so last night while I was laying in bed awake (apparently someone should have sleep trained ME when I was little. o.O) I decided, officially, that I am going to start work on my 101 in 1001 blog. I don't have anything done for it (aside from the blog being "set up" and not formatted or anything) but I want to force myself to get started on it. I'm not sure how long the drive to get it done will last, but I'll keep my fingers crossed to at least make a dent in making the list. I might need some ideas for the 101 things to do. (For those of you who don't understand, its 101 things to do in 1001 days...I've seen people put anything from baking cookies for their neighbors to having a baby or buying a house on them...I just need ideas of things that I might want to accomplish, because I'm too scatterbrained to even think of half the stuff that I already know I want to do.)
On a totally unrelated topic, Bella has been having to strain a LOT to poop lately. She's currently asleep on the playmat beside me and she keeps waking up to bear down and grunt and then going back to sleep. I feel sorry for her, but I dont have a clue what to do to help.
Ugh. Okay, time to find breakfast.
Anyway, I woke up before Bella again this morning. Its a great feeling, but at the same time I can't help but think 'damnit, WHY couldn't I have just gotten a few more minutes of rest?' I know I am a total zombie when she wakes me up, but I have found myself fantasizing about sleeping in. Its ridiculous really.
And of course, the cherry on top is that I changed and fed Bella, and she is back out cold...but I dont know how long it will last, so I dont dare try to go back to sleep. I know better. lol
Alright, so last night while I was laying in bed awake (apparently someone should have sleep trained ME when I was little. o.O) I decided, officially, that I am going to start work on my 101 in 1001 blog. I don't have anything done for it (aside from the blog being "set up" and not formatted or anything) but I want to force myself to get started on it. I'm not sure how long the drive to get it done will last, but I'll keep my fingers crossed to at least make a dent in making the list. I might need some ideas for the 101 things to do. (For those of you who don't understand, its 101 things to do in 1001 days...I've seen people put anything from baking cookies for their neighbors to having a baby or buying a house on them...I just need ideas of things that I might want to accomplish, because I'm too scatterbrained to even think of half the stuff that I already know I want to do.)
On a totally unrelated topic, Bella has been having to strain a LOT to poop lately. She's currently asleep on the playmat beside me and she keeps waking up to bear down and grunt and then going back to sleep. I feel sorry for her, but I dont have a clue what to do to help.
Ugh. Okay, time to find breakfast.
November 18, 2009
The usual Wednesday stuff.
So, the house officially needs cleaned again. Its not TOO bad, but I really hate the clutter. We just never seem to have the time. Hopefully i'll get some stuff done tomorrow, but I'm not making myself any promises.
Anyhow, so we had family dinner tonight, and I've decided that I am going to start renting out Travis's grandfather for cranky babies. He's so funny with Bella. I swear he had her talking and laughing away. I didn't catch the whole conversation, but I'm pretty sure he was talking to her about stocks and gas prices. And she was very opinionated about it all. lmao After a lengthy conversation, she ate a little and then passed out for close to two hours. He's such a cool old man.
Blah. In other news, we have decided that we're going to try to drive back to Kansas for Christmas. I have no idea when we'll be leaving or anything yet, but I'm just happy to know that we will be going back. Now I just have to keep my fingers crossed that the weather doesn't screw us over. Knowing my luck, we'll get snowed in somewhere in the middle.
Arg. Okay, I'm hungry and Bella is grumpy. Lets hope she has another good night tonight! She did eight straight hours last night and I actually woke up before her! It was so weird. And THEN she took a 1.5 hour nap with me this afternoon. Definitely an improvement.
Anyhow, so we had family dinner tonight, and I've decided that I am going to start renting out Travis's grandfather for cranky babies. He's so funny with Bella. I swear he had her talking and laughing away. I didn't catch the whole conversation, but I'm pretty sure he was talking to her about stocks and gas prices. And she was very opinionated about it all. lmao After a lengthy conversation, she ate a little and then passed out for close to two hours. He's such a cool old man.
Blah. In other news, we have decided that we're going to try to drive back to Kansas for Christmas. I have no idea when we'll be leaving or anything yet, but I'm just happy to know that we will be going back. Now I just have to keep my fingers crossed that the weather doesn't screw us over. Knowing my luck, we'll get snowed in somewhere in the middle.
Arg. Okay, I'm hungry and Bella is grumpy. Lets hope she has another good night tonight! She did eight straight hours last night and I actually woke up before her! It was so weird. And THEN she took a 1.5 hour nap with me this afternoon. Definitely an improvement.
November 17, 2009
I'm slacking
I haven't updated lately because my little monster has been a terror lately. She decided that she wanted to be extremely fussy for the better part of the last few days and I am EXHAUSTED. I got a nap in today, which did wonders, but now that I'm awake I am realizing how stressed I am about our money situation and everything I need to get done. I just feel so overwhelmed sometimes.
In other news...
Bella is currently in her exersaucer thing. She seems to like it, but there's not much she can do other than sit there and wobble. She has great head control but she can't reach the toys and whatnot. I actually want to get a new one for her. The one we have was given to us used and is in decent shape, but the toys on it aren't 100%.
I'm currently debating trying to get into some dance classes to help get back into shape. I'm not sure that I want to, just because it'd really depend on what I can find (there's not much right now) and the timing. We'll see, though. I don't even really care what kind of dance right now. There are a few that I'd like to learn, but I mainly just want to lose weight.
On a bright now, Bella slept through the night again last night (she's only done that two times in the past week for some reason). She faked me out once last night. I got up, got a bottle ready and headed back into her room and she was out COLD. I waited a few minutes to see if she'd wake back up, but nope. She was out for the night. I was soooo happy but I'm still ready for her to do it consistently again.
Blah. Its time to go make something else to eat, because all I had for dinner is calimari. Not very filling.
I think chicken cooked in italian dressing sounds great... Hopefully I'll get a chance to update more soon.
In other news...
Bella is currently in her exersaucer thing. She seems to like it, but there's not much she can do other than sit there and wobble. She has great head control but she can't reach the toys and whatnot. I actually want to get a new one for her. The one we have was given to us used and is in decent shape, but the toys on it aren't 100%.
I'm currently debating trying to get into some dance classes to help get back into shape. I'm not sure that I want to, just because it'd really depend on what I can find (there's not much right now) and the timing. We'll see, though. I don't even really care what kind of dance right now. There are a few that I'd like to learn, but I mainly just want to lose weight.
On a bright now, Bella slept through the night again last night (she's only done that two times in the past week for some reason). She faked me out once last night. I got up, got a bottle ready and headed back into her room and she was out COLD. I waited a few minutes to see if she'd wake back up, but nope. She was out for the night. I was soooo happy but I'm still ready for her to do it consistently again.
Blah. Its time to go make something else to eat, because all I had for dinner is calimari. Not very filling.
I think chicken cooked in italian dressing sounds great... Hopefully I'll get a chance to update more soon.
November 14, 2009
We are intelligent parents
Travis and I are fucking brilliant. What do we do when we know our daughter is fussy and doesn't want to be put down?
We decide to rearrange the entire fucking house.
Yep. It needed done and luckily Bella took about a half hour nap earlier so we rushed around to get the big things moved around and have been tagging out and taking turns doing the little stuff most of the day.
However, Bella has decided to be a terror again, and I just needed a break...so right now the house is a DISASTER.
And I don't care. I think I'm going to wait til she goes down for the night to get moving again. Hopefully that will be soon....HOPEFULLY.
We decide to rearrange the entire fucking house.
Yep. It needed done and luckily Bella took about a half hour nap earlier so we rushed around to get the big things moved around and have been tagging out and taking turns doing the little stuff most of the day.
However, Bella has decided to be a terror again, and I just needed a break...so right now the house is a DISASTER.
And I don't care. I think I'm going to wait til she goes down for the night to get moving again. Hopefully that will be soon....HOPEFULLY.
Simulated Labor
Men should go through this more often...
Simulated Labor
My labor was about 24 hours long. I went in to the hospital because I thought something was wrong because I was in constant pain on my right side and my leg was starting to hurt. I didn't know I was in labor. They hooked me up to the machine and told me I was contracting every 2 minutes. I got an epi after about 8-10 hours (I think, I dont remember times for sure), when they were going to start pitocin, because I had only dialated 2cms. The epi felt great for about half an hour, then I had to pee so bad and they wouldn't let me get up, so they tried to cath me. The catheter failed...several times. The first tube was too big, so they straight cath'd me for some relief. That only lasted for a short amount of time and then it just kept getting worse and worse. It was unbelievably painful to have contractions and not be able to pee at the same time. They kept pumping me full of meds, eventhough I told them I just needed relief. Finally they straight cath'ed me again because they said my bladder was expanding and pushing the baby back up and delaying labor. After several hours of that I started to dialate a little more (slowly). I ended up going from 7cms to 10cms fairly fast (they upped the pitocin and kept trying to get a catheter to stay in, but it felt like someone had literally stuck a torch inside me). I pushed for 2.5 hours before the midwife used the vac to get her out. I was severely close to having to get an emergency c-section.
I know my labor was not as bad as some women's but it was definitely not a pleasant experience and watching this video made me feel a little better. I'd love to see more guys have to go through this...not to be mean, but just so they can understand what women go through.
Simulated Labor
My labor was about 24 hours long. I went in to the hospital because I thought something was wrong because I was in constant pain on my right side and my leg was starting to hurt. I didn't know I was in labor. They hooked me up to the machine and told me I was contracting every 2 minutes. I got an epi after about 8-10 hours (I think, I dont remember times for sure), when they were going to start pitocin, because I had only dialated 2cms. The epi felt great for about half an hour, then I had to pee so bad and they wouldn't let me get up, so they tried to cath me. The catheter failed...several times. The first tube was too big, so they straight cath'd me for some relief. That only lasted for a short amount of time and then it just kept getting worse and worse. It was unbelievably painful to have contractions and not be able to pee at the same time. They kept pumping me full of meds, eventhough I told them I just needed relief. Finally they straight cath'ed me again because they said my bladder was expanding and pushing the baby back up and delaying labor. After several hours of that I started to dialate a little more (slowly). I ended up going from 7cms to 10cms fairly fast (they upped the pitocin and kept trying to get a catheter to stay in, but it felt like someone had literally stuck a torch inside me). I pushed for 2.5 hours before the midwife used the vac to get her out. I was severely close to having to get an emergency c-section.
I know my labor was not as bad as some women's but it was definitely not a pleasant experience and watching this video made me feel a little better. I'd love to see more guys have to go through this...not to be mean, but just so they can understand what women go through.
November 13, 2009
M&Ms vs Reeses Pieces
Peanut butter M&Ms are NOT the same as Reeses Pieces. I love them both but do not try to convince me that they are the same... Its a totally different peanut butter to chocolate to candy coating ratio.
That is all.
That is all.
Grumpy Again
I swear, this weather is not good for me. I get so gloomy and moody. Thankfully Bella has been sleeping decently today...which is good considering she decided to get up three times last night. Of course last night was one of the nights where I told myself 'naw, she's out cold, she wont wake up tonight...I should be able to get some stuff done before I go to bed'. Pfffft. I'm an idiot. Everyone knows babies can read minds and know when mommy is tired.
November 12, 2009
Hibernation
The last two days, all I've wanted to do is just stay in bed and cuddle Bella. The weather is absolutely depressing. I'm starting to think that I would take the tornados in Kansas over another day of this Nor'easter crap in a heartbeat.
Granted, it doesn't help that I just hate it here. It wouldn't be bad if I could actually get out and meet people, but that's really not an option. Even if I did try to meet friends here, the chance that Travis's family/friends didn't already know them is slim to none...and therefor I wouldn't even be able to talk to them about anything in my life. This shit fucking sucks.
I miss Kansas. I hate this place. I. Want. To. Go. Home.
On another note, Bella did great with her shots and hasn't seemed to be bothered by them at all. She measured in at 14lbs 2oz, 23.5 inches long and her head cir. was 15.5inches. She's a big girl! She's too damn cute too...she's currently yelling at the ceiling fan. Apparently it pissed her off.
I broke out the 6-9 clothes today. I'm not putting them on her just yet, but I took them out of storage and started taking tags and whatnot off so I can get them washed. She's in pretty much all 3-6 clothes right now and I like the idea of having some 6-9 long sleeve onesies that fit over her 3-6 onesies to help keep her warm this winter. I know I am always cold so I am slightly anal retentive about making sure she stays warm. Travis on the other hand is the exact opposite. He doesn't seem to understand that she gets cold easier than we do. I've tried to explain it, but so far I dont think its sinking in. Oh well, I guess I will keep nagging him til he realizes that not everyone wears shorts in the cold ass rain.
On another totally unrelated note...my boob hurts. Just the left one. I think it might finally be going back to the same size as the right. For some reason after I had Bella my left boob tried to balloon up enough to float away on its own. Its ridiculous. For awhile my boobs were two totally different sizes...it makes wearing a bra really uncomfortable and cleavage really unattractive. lol Hopefully things are going back to some sort of normal.
Granted, it doesn't help that I just hate it here. It wouldn't be bad if I could actually get out and meet people, but that's really not an option. Even if I did try to meet friends here, the chance that Travis's family/friends didn't already know them is slim to none...and therefor I wouldn't even be able to talk to them about anything in my life. This shit fucking sucks.
I miss Kansas. I hate this place. I. Want. To. Go. Home.
On another note, Bella did great with her shots and hasn't seemed to be bothered by them at all. She measured in at 14lbs 2oz, 23.5 inches long and her head cir. was 15.5inches. She's a big girl! She's too damn cute too...she's currently yelling at the ceiling fan. Apparently it pissed her off.
I broke out the 6-9 clothes today. I'm not putting them on her just yet, but I took them out of storage and started taking tags and whatnot off so I can get them washed. She's in pretty much all 3-6 clothes right now and I like the idea of having some 6-9 long sleeve onesies that fit over her 3-6 onesies to help keep her warm this winter. I know I am always cold so I am slightly anal retentive about making sure she stays warm. Travis on the other hand is the exact opposite. He doesn't seem to understand that she gets cold easier than we do. I've tried to explain it, but so far I dont think its sinking in. Oh well, I guess I will keep nagging him til he realizes that not everyone wears shorts in the cold ass rain.
On another totally unrelated note...my boob hurts. Just the left one. I think it might finally be going back to the same size as the right. For some reason after I had Bella my left boob tried to balloon up enough to float away on its own. Its ridiculous. For awhile my boobs were two totally different sizes...it makes wearing a bra really uncomfortable and cleavage really unattractive. lol Hopefully things are going back to some sort of normal.
November 10, 2009
A Day Late and A Couple Hundred Dollars Short
We celebrated by trying to take pictures. She fought me most of the day but I was eventually able to get her in the tutu and get some some-what decent photos. They still aren't as great as I'd like (she wasn't too thrilled with the idea of staying still and looking cute lol) but they'll work. Here are a few of them..
They're not perfect, but I think they turned out alright. I just love her little feet. haha
Now, as you should be able to tell by the title of this post, there's a lot more going on right now too. We've been trying to figure out how we're going to afford going back to KS for the holidays this year, and I'm starting to think we're not going to be able to. We're on a really tight budget and after we pay the bills and everything we have to take care of our cell phone bills, we have to register and insure my car by the end of the month, try to figure out how we're going to make it back to KS (plane tickets will cost us approximately $700 with luggage and everything, amtrak would be about $900, driving would be a pain in the ass), try to tackle Christmas shopping (which will be very skimpy this year), and on and on and on. I seriously dont know how we're going to manage it all, but I HAVE to get back to KS. I'm seriously going to lose my mind and probably go on a killing spree if I get stuck here for Christmas.
Ugh. Okay, enough whining for now.
Anyway. I have come up with ideas for little gifts that I want to send a few people. I'm not going to describe them exactly, because I know some of them read this, but I'm going to use my pathetic artistic skills for them. I already have most of the materials but I dont know if I'll get the time to finish everything. Its so hard getting anything done with an infant.
Blah. My brain just stopped functioning. Bella and Travis are both napping, so I should get something done. I probably won't, but its the thought that counts, right?
November 9, 2009
One of the many reasons I love him...
Travis is so great sometimes. I swear, there's so many reasons that I love him, but this is one of them...
He's the only person I can have the following conversation with on almost a daily basis and still find it funny...
Me- Babe, where are the keys?
Him- They're on the table.
Me- I don't see them...?
Him- I put them on the table...
Me- ::searching through table:: Babe, I don't see them
Him- Did you look under the mail?
Me- Yes, baby, I don't see them...
Him- (Getting aggrivated) I know I put them there when I came in
Me- Are you sure?
Him- ::standing up:: Yes! I know I put them... ::sticks hand in pocket and looks sheepish:: I put them in my pocket, why are you looking on the table?
Me- ::throws a roll of paper towels at him and goes to car::
lol This is seriously almost a daily routine for us...
He's the only person I can have the following conversation with on almost a daily basis and still find it funny...
Me- Babe, where are the keys?
Him- They're on the table.
Me- I don't see them...?
Him- I put them on the table...
Me- ::searching through table:: Babe, I don't see them
Him- Did you look under the mail?
Me- Yes, baby, I don't see them...
Him- (Getting aggrivated) I know I put them there when I came in
Me- Are you sure?
Him- ::standing up:: Yes! I know I put them... ::sticks hand in pocket and looks sheepish:: I put them in my pocket, why are you looking on the table?
Me- ::throws a roll of paper towels at him and goes to car::
lol This is seriously almost a daily routine for us...
Rules that no one ever told me...
So, recently I've discovered that there are several house rules that everyone failed to inform me of. I've had to figure these out on my own.
1. I have to take care of all of the cats in the house. I'm not sure why this is the way it is, but apparently no one else is going to feed her cats or give them water, so I have to. I wouldn't do it, but I don't have the heart to let them starve, and they would if I didn't feed them. I can only imagine what their litter box looks like. She never changes it, but I'm sure as hell not going upstairs to change it.
2. There cannot be any sign that there is a baby in the house. She throws a hissyfit anytime we leave any of Bella's stuff out of the nursery. God forbid the baby stuff be in the way of her precious cats (stupid rodents...I normally love cats but hers are fucking pains in my ass).
3. I am not allowed to use the phone. I grabbed the house phone to call my cell the other day to test if my call ID was working yet (its been messed up) and she came downstairs, looked at me, and stormed off. Apparently it doesn't matter that Travis and I are paying about 90% of the bills...she still wants to be in control of EVERYTHING.
4. I'm not allowed to listen to music. Doing so will cause WWIII. The fact that her TV is loud enough to hear throughout the entire house and she leaves it on 24/7 is irrelevant. I can't listen to anything that I actually want to hear.
5. Because I am a stay at home mom, I have to mother everyone in the house. Okay, so this one seriously irks me. Their mother passed away in September of 2008 and when we decided to move out here to help out with things, I was very clear when I told Travis that I was not going to take over as mother of the house and I would NOT be accused of trying to replace their mom. This is why I've avoided asking his sister to do anything. I knew I always ran the risk of her flying off the handle and throwing out the whole "you're not my mother!" thing. I know its ridiculous, but that's an arguement that I will not even touch. If shit gets that far, I'm going home.
ANYWAY...all of that being said, I'm expected to take care of everything. I'm supposed to clean up after everyone, cook for everyone, and do everyone's laundry.
I don't fucking think so.
I just...ugh...UAJILJDFAW$ GAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Fuck it, I'm not even touching that subject any further...
6. I'm supposed to give up my baby whenever someone else is here and wants to hold her. Alright, normally that wouldn't bother me TOO much, but I honestly cannot stand his family and they don't do anything to help me out when they're here, so why should I just hand off my daughter to them?
ANNNNDDDD his sister has only held Bella once. Yep, she lives with us and she's only held her once. And she says its MY FAULT?! She's NEVER done anything to help with Bella (seriously...ever...) and has only asked to hold her once, when she was almost a month old already. Her girlfriend, on the other hand, has held Bella several times and has even helped with a feeding and changing before. What REALLY irritates me is that his sister's FB picture is of her holding Bella. All of her friends/family seem to think that she's always helping out around here and that I'm just some kind of evil bitch for not letting her get more pictures of my baby. Its MY baby for fuck sakes. If you want to know what's REALLY going on with her, fucking ask ME.
7. We are supposed to throw a party anytime she does something any normal human would do in their daily routine. Seriously. Her family went out of their way to congratulate her when she told them she had balanced her own checkbook. She's fucking 21 years old. They made her a 'special dessert' for family dinner...
Enough said.
8. The DVR is off limits to us. God fucking forbid we interrupt her recording of every fucking showing of Law and Order (normal, CI, and SVU, which in itself is about 50 recordings PER DAY), Greys Anatomy, Private Practice, The Next Iron Chef, Chopped, Hells Kitchen, So You Think You Can Dance, etc etc etc. There is literally ALWAYS something recording.
Now, let me continue by saying that she has a DVR on the TV upstairs in her room...but she continues to only use the one downstairs. She has literally flipped out on us because Travis tried recording something ONCE. Let's not even get into what would happen if we canceled one of her recordings...eventhough she records the same episodes of the same shows several times a day.
Fuck I'm getting irritated right now. I'm going to go make dinner and possibly slash her tires. If I don't post again in the next few days, I'm in prison...send bail money.
1. I have to take care of all of the cats in the house. I'm not sure why this is the way it is, but apparently no one else is going to feed her cats or give them water, so I have to. I wouldn't do it, but I don't have the heart to let them starve, and they would if I didn't feed them. I can only imagine what their litter box looks like. She never changes it, but I'm sure as hell not going upstairs to change it.
2. There cannot be any sign that there is a baby in the house. She throws a hissyfit anytime we leave any of Bella's stuff out of the nursery. God forbid the baby stuff be in the way of her precious cats (stupid rodents...I normally love cats but hers are fucking pains in my ass).
3. I am not allowed to use the phone. I grabbed the house phone to call my cell the other day to test if my call ID was working yet (its been messed up) and she came downstairs, looked at me, and stormed off. Apparently it doesn't matter that Travis and I are paying about 90% of the bills...she still wants to be in control of EVERYTHING.
4. I'm not allowed to listen to music. Doing so will cause WWIII. The fact that her TV is loud enough to hear throughout the entire house and she leaves it on 24/7 is irrelevant. I can't listen to anything that I actually want to hear.
5. Because I am a stay at home mom, I have to mother everyone in the house. Okay, so this one seriously irks me. Their mother passed away in September of 2008 and when we decided to move out here to help out with things, I was very clear when I told Travis that I was not going to take over as mother of the house and I would NOT be accused of trying to replace their mom. This is why I've avoided asking his sister to do anything. I knew I always ran the risk of her flying off the handle and throwing out the whole "you're not my mother!" thing. I know its ridiculous, but that's an arguement that I will not even touch. If shit gets that far, I'm going home.
ANYWAY...all of that being said, I'm expected to take care of everything. I'm supposed to clean up after everyone, cook for everyone, and do everyone's laundry.
I don't fucking think so.
I just...ugh...UAJILJDFAW$ GAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Fuck it, I'm not even touching that subject any further...
6. I'm supposed to give up my baby whenever someone else is here and wants to hold her. Alright, normally that wouldn't bother me TOO much, but I honestly cannot stand his family and they don't do anything to help me out when they're here, so why should I just hand off my daughter to them?
ANNNNDDDD his sister has only held Bella once. Yep, she lives with us and she's only held her once. And she says its MY FAULT?! She's NEVER done anything to help with Bella (seriously...ever...) and has only asked to hold her once, when she was almost a month old already. Her girlfriend, on the other hand, has held Bella several times and has even helped with a feeding and changing before. What REALLY irritates me is that his sister's FB picture is of her holding Bella. All of her friends/family seem to think that she's always helping out around here and that I'm just some kind of evil bitch for not letting her get more pictures of my baby. Its MY baby for fuck sakes. If you want to know what's REALLY going on with her, fucking ask ME.
7. We are supposed to throw a party anytime she does something any normal human would do in their daily routine. Seriously. Her family went out of their way to congratulate her when she told them she had balanced her own checkbook. She's fucking 21 years old. They made her a 'special dessert' for family dinner...
Enough said.
8. The DVR is off limits to us. God fucking forbid we interrupt her recording of every fucking showing of Law and Order (normal, CI, and SVU, which in itself is about 50 recordings PER DAY), Greys Anatomy, Private Practice, The Next Iron Chef, Chopped, Hells Kitchen, So You Think You Can Dance, etc etc etc. There is literally ALWAYS something recording.
Now, let me continue by saying that she has a DVR on the TV upstairs in her room...but she continues to only use the one downstairs. She has literally flipped out on us because Travis tried recording something ONCE. Let's not even get into what would happen if we canceled one of her recordings...eventhough she records the same episodes of the same shows several times a day.
Fuck I'm getting irritated right now. I'm going to go make dinner and possibly slash her tires. If I don't post again in the next few days, I'm in prison...send bail money.
Playtime
She loves her playmat. Its so cute. Almost every morning she'll get up, eat, burp, and then lay down to play for about half an hour or so and she LOVES it. Most of the time she'll play so much she'll put herself to sleep for a short nap! haha
Had to cancel my checkup.
GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
So apparently the county CDC is reccomending to stay out of the dr's offices if you arent sick because of H1N1 being so bad here. I called my Drs office about it and they said they're taking precautions but its still risky, so I canceled my post partum checkup. I don't want to risk my health (especially since I'm still getting rid of the cold, or whatever it was, that I've had since last weekend) and I'm definitely not going to risk Bella's!
Ugh. Its just such a headache. I have to call again on Wednesday when she has her appointment and figure out what I'm going to do then, because she needs her shots.
God this is just so fucking annoying. ::headdesk::
So apparently the county CDC is reccomending to stay out of the dr's offices if you arent sick because of H1N1 being so bad here. I called my Drs office about it and they said they're taking precautions but its still risky, so I canceled my post partum checkup. I don't want to risk my health (especially since I'm still getting rid of the cold, or whatever it was, that I've had since last weekend) and I'm definitely not going to risk Bella's!
Ugh. Its just such a headache. I have to call again on Wednesday when she has her appointment and figure out what I'm going to do then, because she needs her shots.
God this is just so fucking annoying. ::headdesk::
November 8, 2009
Double Edged Sword
Bella is asleep. This means I have a chance to get things done, right?
Pfft. In my dreams. She's been fighting sleep so much during the day lately that I don't want to start banging around and wake her up. If I try to move her to her room so the noise doesn't bother her, she wakes up. I'm happy she's sleeping, but I really wish I could still get the cleaning done. I've got laundry going, which doesn't bother her, but I need to finish up a few dishes before I start cooking and then have to do MORE dishes (its a neverending cycle, I swear). I'd love to be able to just load the dishwasher as I go, but if I start doing that, I'll just get pissed off at myself because I'll inevitably need one of the dishes that I already loaded into the dishwasher cleaned so I can use it again ASAP.
So. Instead of getting something accomplished, I am sitting here, playing around on theBump, watching football with Travis (this part isn't by choice, but he's been helping with Bella, so I'll keep my mouth shut), and munching on peanut butter M&Ms instead of making a real meal. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to sit here and eat M&Ms all day long, and probably would, but I've still got about 25lbs to lose and they sure seem like they're not going to burn themselves.
That's something that I have to admit that I hate about myself. I don't work out anymore. I'd feel so much better, I know I would, but I get so much more concerned about doing ridiculous things like...showering. I don't think I have a high maintenance baby by any means. I mean, I know I'm seriously lucky that she's as good as she is, but it still seems like the few times I have the energy to get things done, she starts freaking out and wants held. I love holding her and all, but I feel like I'm never going to get anything done.
Maybe I need to learn to work out while holding Bella. That would be great. I can imagine myself trying to figure out how to do Yoga (that alone is funny enough) while holding her the entire time.
If I try it, I'll be sure to take pics and share them. I wouldn't deprive anyone of that kind of humor. :D
Anyway, she is starting to stir a little bit and I REALLY need to find food or I'm going to eat this entire bag of M&Ms and feel like crap for the next week.
Pfft. In my dreams. She's been fighting sleep so much during the day lately that I don't want to start banging around and wake her up. If I try to move her to her room so the noise doesn't bother her, she wakes up. I'm happy she's sleeping, but I really wish I could still get the cleaning done. I've got laundry going, which doesn't bother her, but I need to finish up a few dishes before I start cooking and then have to do MORE dishes (its a neverending cycle, I swear). I'd love to be able to just load the dishwasher as I go, but if I start doing that, I'll just get pissed off at myself because I'll inevitably need one of the dishes that I already loaded into the dishwasher cleaned so I can use it again ASAP.
So. Instead of getting something accomplished, I am sitting here, playing around on theBump, watching football with Travis (this part isn't by choice, but he's been helping with Bella, so I'll keep my mouth shut), and munching on peanut butter M&Ms instead of making a real meal. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to sit here and eat M&Ms all day long, and probably would, but I've still got about 25lbs to lose and they sure seem like they're not going to burn themselves.
That's something that I have to admit that I hate about myself. I don't work out anymore. I'd feel so much better, I know I would, but I get so much more concerned about doing ridiculous things like...showering. I don't think I have a high maintenance baby by any means. I mean, I know I'm seriously lucky that she's as good as she is, but it still seems like the few times I have the energy to get things done, she starts freaking out and wants held. I love holding her and all, but I feel like I'm never going to get anything done.
Maybe I need to learn to work out while holding Bella. That would be great. I can imagine myself trying to figure out how to do Yoga (that alone is funny enough) while holding her the entire time.
If I try it, I'll be sure to take pics and share them. I wouldn't deprive anyone of that kind of humor. :D
Anyway, she is starting to stir a little bit and I REALLY need to find food or I'm going to eat this entire bag of M&Ms and feel like crap for the next week.
I got sleep last night...
I got sleep last night! It wasn't completely uninterrupted, but close. Travis got up with Bella at 4 and 8am. I still had to prod him a little bit to get up each time but he did get up. I'm just happy to have gotten more than four hours straight. For some reason lately Bella has been sleeping through the night but I have been taking forever to fall asleep and I still wake up before her. Damnit.
Alright, so, anyway... We found a Super WalMart nearby. It made me soooooo happy. We were finally able to get a decent amount of groceries! The prices everywhere here in town are ridiculous. And I got a few things that I haven't been able to find since we moved out here. I've seriously missed my hot apple cider!
Blah. My brain has been so scattered today. I've gotten a lot done, but there's still a huge list of things I have left to do. Its so irritating but I just can't seem to catch up. Everytime I finish a to-do, I have a whole new one to start on again. I feel like I'm just barely keeping my head above water sometimes. I need to get out of here and move somewhere where I can rely on people to lend a hand once in awhile. I know Bella is my baby and I need to be able to take care of her, but I'm also cleaning up after two cats that aren't mine and Travis's sister and her girlfriend. Its ridiculous. I feel like I've already got ten kids, plus a newborn.
I'm also starting a 101 Things To Do In 1001 Days blog soon. Its in the works but I still have to come up with 101 things. lol That will be hard enough for me to do.
Okay, I can't concentrate. I'm going to try to get Bella to sleep. We'll see how that goes. Hopefully I will be able to update again tomorrow and possible get my 101 in 1001 up and running. We shall see.
Alright, so, anyway... We found a Super WalMart nearby. It made me soooooo happy. We were finally able to get a decent amount of groceries! The prices everywhere here in town are ridiculous. And I got a few things that I haven't been able to find since we moved out here. I've seriously missed my hot apple cider!
Blah. My brain has been so scattered today. I've gotten a lot done, but there's still a huge list of things I have left to do. Its so irritating but I just can't seem to catch up. Everytime I finish a to-do, I have a whole new one to start on again. I feel like I'm just barely keeping my head above water sometimes. I need to get out of here and move somewhere where I can rely on people to lend a hand once in awhile. I know Bella is my baby and I need to be able to take care of her, but I'm also cleaning up after two cats that aren't mine and Travis's sister and her girlfriend. Its ridiculous. I feel like I've already got ten kids, plus a newborn.
I'm also starting a 101 Things To Do In 1001 Days blog soon. Its in the works but I still have to come up with 101 things. lol That will be hard enough for me to do.
Okay, I can't concentrate. I'm going to try to get Bella to sleep. We'll see how that goes. Hopefully I will be able to update again tomorrow and possible get my 101 in 1001 up and running. We shall see.
November 5, 2009
Boredom
I got a gift exchange partner! Yay!
Sadly I know nothing about her, but I shall have to do my research so I don't send a shitty gift. I don't want to be the one that screws up something fun. lol
On another note, I've been uploading songs from old burnt CDs onto my iTunes and holy crap I had some seriously weird music on some of them. What the hell was wrong with me?
Oh, and I STILL have Tricky by Run DMC in my head. WTF is that shit?
Sadly I know nothing about her, but I shall have to do my research so I don't send a shitty gift. I don't want to be the one that screws up something fun. lol
On another note, I've been uploading songs from old burnt CDs onto my iTunes and holy crap I had some seriously weird music on some of them. What the hell was wrong with me?
Oh, and I STILL have Tricky by Run DMC in my head. WTF is that shit?
Its Happy Hour At My House!
I'm getting my drink on.
I'm really not an alcoholic or anything, although I know I sound like it sometimes, but I seriously just love the taste of rum and coke...eventhough its rum and Dr. Pepper right now. Its not half bad.
We shall see how tonight goes. I am by no means a cheap drunk (I have a very high alcohol tolerance, eventhough I dont drink much and never drank til I was 21), but I've got a decent size glass beside me.
And just as a disclaimer, I'm not going to care if I post about something that pisses people off tonight. I tend to be very opinionated when I drink and I really dont care one way or another if I offend anyone.
I'm really not an alcoholic or anything, although I know I sound like it sometimes, but I seriously just love the taste of rum and coke...eventhough its rum and Dr. Pepper right now. Its not half bad.
We shall see how tonight goes. I am by no means a cheap drunk (I have a very high alcohol tolerance, eventhough I dont drink much and never drank til I was 21), but I've got a decent size glass beside me.
And just as a disclaimer, I'm not going to care if I post about something that pisses people off tonight. I tend to be very opinionated when I drink and I really dont care one way or another if I offend anyone.
Almost two months...
So, my daughter is almost two months old (she was born 09/09/09) and I am finally almost back to my 'normal' self. I know I'll never be the exact same because I'm a mom now and all that, but I finally feel like a human again.
It's funny, really. I swear people don't know what to expect from me because they're all used to seeing me pregnant and miserable. Its like I'm not allowed to be happy or something. Stupid people.
I have noticed that I've been getting my energy back in spurts, though. It usually takes me awhile to get going each day (mainly because I am NOT a morning person, so Bella waking up at 7am for the day is a little rough on me) but once the afternoon/evening hits I am usually feeling pretty good. Its a nice change.
Its also really nice being able to bend at the waist again. I'm definitely not down to my pre-pregnant size but I'm a hell of a lot closer than I thought I was. I tried on some size 7's last night and they fit pretty well. I think I might be able to squeeze myself back into a size 5 if I tried hard enough but I'm not going to push it because I still have the muffin top crap and it'd just be worse with smaller pants.
Blah. Bella's asleep on my chest and it's making me sleepy, so I think I'm going to either take a nap or try to put her to bed.
It's funny, really. I swear people don't know what to expect from me because they're all used to seeing me pregnant and miserable. Its like I'm not allowed to be happy or something. Stupid people.
I have noticed that I've been getting my energy back in spurts, though. It usually takes me awhile to get going each day (mainly because I am NOT a morning person, so Bella waking up at 7am for the day is a little rough on me) but once the afternoon/evening hits I am usually feeling pretty good. Its a nice change.
Its also really nice being able to bend at the waist again. I'm definitely not down to my pre-pregnant size but I'm a hell of a lot closer than I thought I was. I tried on some size 7's last night and they fit pretty well. I think I might be able to squeeze myself back into a size 5 if I tried hard enough but I'm not going to push it because I still have the muffin top crap and it'd just be worse with smaller pants.
Blah. Bella's asleep on my chest and it's making me sleepy, so I think I'm going to either take a nap or try to put her to bed.
Top Ten Things To Never Say To A New Mother
I've discovered that some people out there lack the ability to know when to shut the hell up...especially around new mothers. They feel they need to know every detail of breastfeeding, diaper changes, postpartum healing and, of course, postpartum sex. I hate to have to be the one to break it down for them, but it needs to be done.
I'll do this as gently as possible.
STOP ASKING STUPID FUCKING QUESTIONS. It's none of your business and I have no urge to talk to you about my hemmroids or when the stitches in my fucking crotch dissolved. You don't need to know the state of my breasts or what they're being used for and there's no need for us to discuss if I have 'done it' again yet.
Alright. Now that that has been taken care of, there is also a long list of things you should just never say to a new mother. Most of these things are pretty obvious, but, since common sense is suddenly a very rare disease, they need to be wrote out for some people. Once again, I'll be gentle...
10., 9., 8., Oh you only have one; he/she is still young; oh just wait... These comments are not acceptable.
Under any circumstances.
EVER.
That is all.
7. Well he/she should be sleeping through the night here soon! Do not get a new mother's hope up. Babies wake up at night. Its going to happen. Hell, a lot of adults wake up at night. Its cruel to give her the idea that her baby will start sleeping longer stretches and that she'll be able to sleep as long as her heart desires while her baby is still an infant. Not all babies will sleep through the night early on. Some children don't sleep through the night until they're a couple years old. All you are going to do by telling her this is get her hopes up and then make her feel like she's doing something wrong if her child doesn't sleep for 8 hours at a time at a young age.
Just shut up.
If you're that concerned about the baby sleeping for longer stretches so the mother can get rest, why not offering to take the night shift for a few nights so she can get a few decent nights' sleep?
Yeah, that's what I thought. Asshat.
6. You should get out of the house. Yeah...because that's always so easy with a newborn. I used to be able to get ready to go out (showered, dressed, hair, makeup, etc) in a total of about 15 minutes. It now takes me hours...and that's just getting decent enough to be seen in public. I have to get my daughter settled enough so I can shower, get dressed, make my hair less disasterous, and look awake. Then I have to feed, diaper, and change her. Then there's the struggle with getting her into the carseat without a huge hissyfit. It also includes getting the diaper bag ready, making sure I have enough supplies ready for her in case I'm gone longer than I expect, and trying to make sure I'm not leaving the house without something important (like shoes, purse, cellphone, keys, etc).
Before I can even think of all that business I have to take into consideration the weather, where I'm going, how long I'll be gone, who I'll be around, etc etc etc.
Sometimes its less stressful to stay home and be stir crazy than fight with everything to get out of the house for a short period of time and risk something fucked up happening (i.e. my child having several explosive diapers in a row and not having enough clothes/diapers in the diaper bag). So no, its not always possible to 'just get out of the house'.
5. Well I wore my normal jeans home from the hospital. You know what? Go to hell. I'm sick of people making new mothers feel like they are supposed to look like fucking supermodels. I gained 55 pounds during my pregnancy. I was a size 3 before I got pregnant and within the first two months I had bloated up so much I was squeezing my ass into size 9's.
And I'm okay with that.
Yes, I would love to be able to get right back into my size 3 jeans and pretend that my body is back to normal, but its not. I just had a fucking baby. Yes, I was supposed to gain weight while pregnant and if I had lost all 55lbs during labor I would've been seriously sick. My body went through some serious changes and I got my beautiful baby girl out of the whole ordeal and she is happy and healthy, so I am perfectly fine with the possibility of having some dieting or exercising to do in the future. I'll manage. Just because you body image sucks doesn't mean I have to feel bad about not looking like a goddamn Playboy bunny immediately after delivery.
Also, I'm well aware that I may never be back to my normal size. Some women don't get their old bodies back. With how much my hips spread while I was pregnant, I'm not sure if I will lose enough weight to get back down to a size 3. Oh well. Hell yeah I'd love to be able to go back to wearing all my cute clothes and not have to worry about a new wardrobe, but I'm not going to starve myself just to get back into my old jeans.
It's not like I need to dress up all sexy and go to a club or some shit. I've got a kid. Who the fuck else am I trying to impress?
4. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Great theory but unless you are going to come over and clean the house, cook, do laundry, take care of the pets (and/or other kids), go grocery shopping, etc then this isn't exactly possible. Life doesn't have a pause button (wouldn't that be nice!) so we can just lay down with a baby and take a nap. Most mothers would LOVE to be able to just curl up with their newborn and not have to worry about anything else.
Of course there's always this little problem called reality that bites you in the ass when you realize "oh shit, I haven't showered in two days and I smell worse than the burp rag". Yep. Hygeine. We have to shower sometime.
3. You're going to spoil that baby if you hold him/her too much. You know what? Fuck you.
No, seriously. Fuck you.
Just because no one held you when you were a baby doesn't mean I'm going to stop cuddling with my baby. I'm sick of people getting all worked up about wanting to hold a new baby but then trying to tell the mother that they shouldn't hold the baby as much as they do because it'll spoil the child. That baby just came out of the womb, where it was being held 24/7 for 9 months straight. Can someone please explain to me how you can spoil a baby by weaning them off of being held that much? Because that's what you're doing unless you seriously hold your child every second of the day.
And don't get me started on the part where you want to hold my baby but try to tell me not to. What kind of shit is that? It's MY baby, asshole. Go make your own.
2. You've got to learn to just let that baby cry so he/she will learn they won't always get what they want. Alright, so I know this is a touchy subject with some moms but I'm past caring at this point. I'm going to say this very plainly so it doesn't confuse anyone.
Letting your baby cry and not trying to figure out why he/she is crying and tend to those needs is NEGLECT.
Oh yeah, I went there.
Babies cry because they need something. It might be that they're hungry or need a clean diaper or it might be that they're scared or loney and need to be held. Yes, babies sometimes NEED to be held. They are brand new to this world and are scared. How about I drop you on some random planet, where no one understands what you want or need, surrounded by people you have to rely on to meet your every need and see how easily you adjust! Oh, and you have to adjust and get used to everything (including hunger because no one will know that you're hungry) without crying.
Don't tell me to let my baby cry. Jackass.
1. Do not EVER tell a new mother how tired YOU are. I'm going to repeat this because some people are going to need it repeated. Do. Not. EVER. Tell. A. New. Mother. How. Tired. You. Are.
What you consider 'tired' is completely irrelevant. Until you have been at the end of your rope, literally pulling hair out of your head, trying to take care of a screaming infant 24 hours a day while still recovering from a major bodily trama, you have no idea how tired a new mother is.
To be honest, even if you told me you had been awake for a month straight, I wouldn't care. The difference is that you most likely had the option to go to sleep but didn't. New mothers do not have the luxury of saying 'okay, I'm tired, I should really go lay down'. Nope.
It's a whole different kind of tired when you start talking about not being able to sleep because you HAVE to be awake because you're trying to keep a child alive. Other responsibilities can get put on the back burner. It doesn't quite work that way with a baby. You can't tell yourself "eh, I'll feed him/her later". If they need something, they need it NOW...even if that means that your head just hit the pillow and you thought you were going to get some sleep for the first time in a week. Oh no. Being tired with a baby is a whole new level of tired that your sorry ass can't even imagine.
So, unless you like the idea of waking up with a dirty diaper shoved down your throat, after getting knocked the fuck out by flying carseat, do not ever tell a new mother that YOU are tired.
I'll do this as gently as possible.
STOP ASKING STUPID FUCKING QUESTIONS. It's none of your business and I have no urge to talk to you about my hemmroids or when the stitches in my fucking crotch dissolved. You don't need to know the state of my breasts or what they're being used for and there's no need for us to discuss if I have 'done it' again yet.
Alright. Now that that has been taken care of, there is also a long list of things you should just never say to a new mother. Most of these things are pretty obvious, but, since common sense is suddenly a very rare disease, they need to be wrote out for some people. Once again, I'll be gentle...
10., 9., 8., Oh you only have one; he/she is still young; oh just wait... These comments are not acceptable.
Under any circumstances.
EVER.
That is all.
7. Well he/she should be sleeping through the night here soon! Do not get a new mother's hope up. Babies wake up at night. Its going to happen. Hell, a lot of adults wake up at night. Its cruel to give her the idea that her baby will start sleeping longer stretches and that she'll be able to sleep as long as her heart desires while her baby is still an infant. Not all babies will sleep through the night early on. Some children don't sleep through the night until they're a couple years old. All you are going to do by telling her this is get her hopes up and then make her feel like she's doing something wrong if her child doesn't sleep for 8 hours at a time at a young age.
Just shut up.
If you're that concerned about the baby sleeping for longer stretches so the mother can get rest, why not offering to take the night shift for a few nights so she can get a few decent nights' sleep?
Yeah, that's what I thought. Asshat.
6. You should get out of the house. Yeah...because that's always so easy with a newborn. I used to be able to get ready to go out (showered, dressed, hair, makeup, etc) in a total of about 15 minutes. It now takes me hours...and that's just getting decent enough to be seen in public. I have to get my daughter settled enough so I can shower, get dressed, make my hair less disasterous, and look awake. Then I have to feed, diaper, and change her. Then there's the struggle with getting her into the carseat without a huge hissyfit. It also includes getting the diaper bag ready, making sure I have enough supplies ready for her in case I'm gone longer than I expect, and trying to make sure I'm not leaving the house without something important (like shoes, purse, cellphone, keys, etc).
Before I can even think of all that business I have to take into consideration the weather, where I'm going, how long I'll be gone, who I'll be around, etc etc etc.
Sometimes its less stressful to stay home and be stir crazy than fight with everything to get out of the house for a short period of time and risk something fucked up happening (i.e. my child having several explosive diapers in a row and not having enough clothes/diapers in the diaper bag). So no, its not always possible to 'just get out of the house'.
5. Well I wore my normal jeans home from the hospital. You know what? Go to hell. I'm sick of people making new mothers feel like they are supposed to look like fucking supermodels. I gained 55 pounds during my pregnancy. I was a size 3 before I got pregnant and within the first two months I had bloated up so much I was squeezing my ass into size 9's.
And I'm okay with that.
Yes, I would love to be able to get right back into my size 3 jeans and pretend that my body is back to normal, but its not. I just had a fucking baby. Yes, I was supposed to gain weight while pregnant and if I had lost all 55lbs during labor I would've been seriously sick. My body went through some serious changes and I got my beautiful baby girl out of the whole ordeal and she is happy and healthy, so I am perfectly fine with the possibility of having some dieting or exercising to do in the future. I'll manage. Just because you body image sucks doesn't mean I have to feel bad about not looking like a goddamn Playboy bunny immediately after delivery.
Also, I'm well aware that I may never be back to my normal size. Some women don't get their old bodies back. With how much my hips spread while I was pregnant, I'm not sure if I will lose enough weight to get back down to a size 3. Oh well. Hell yeah I'd love to be able to go back to wearing all my cute clothes and not have to worry about a new wardrobe, but I'm not going to starve myself just to get back into my old jeans.
It's not like I need to dress up all sexy and go to a club or some shit. I've got a kid. Who the fuck else am I trying to impress?
4. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Great theory but unless you are going to come over and clean the house, cook, do laundry, take care of the pets (and/or other kids), go grocery shopping, etc then this isn't exactly possible. Life doesn't have a pause button (wouldn't that be nice!) so we can just lay down with a baby and take a nap. Most mothers would LOVE to be able to just curl up with their newborn and not have to worry about anything else.
Of course there's always this little problem called reality that bites you in the ass when you realize "oh shit, I haven't showered in two days and I smell worse than the burp rag". Yep. Hygeine. We have to shower sometime.
3. You're going to spoil that baby if you hold him/her too much. You know what? Fuck you.
No, seriously. Fuck you.
Just because no one held you when you were a baby doesn't mean I'm going to stop cuddling with my baby. I'm sick of people getting all worked up about wanting to hold a new baby but then trying to tell the mother that they shouldn't hold the baby as much as they do because it'll spoil the child. That baby just came out of the womb, where it was being held 24/7 for 9 months straight. Can someone please explain to me how you can spoil a baby by weaning them off of being held that much? Because that's what you're doing unless you seriously hold your child every second of the day.
And don't get me started on the part where you want to hold my baby but try to tell me not to. What kind of shit is that? It's MY baby, asshole. Go make your own.
2. You've got to learn to just let that baby cry so he/she will learn they won't always get what they want. Alright, so I know this is a touchy subject with some moms but I'm past caring at this point. I'm going to say this very plainly so it doesn't confuse anyone.
Letting your baby cry and not trying to figure out why he/she is crying and tend to those needs is NEGLECT.
Oh yeah, I went there.
Babies cry because they need something. It might be that they're hungry or need a clean diaper or it might be that they're scared or loney and need to be held. Yes, babies sometimes NEED to be held. They are brand new to this world and are scared. How about I drop you on some random planet, where no one understands what you want or need, surrounded by people you have to rely on to meet your every need and see how easily you adjust! Oh, and you have to adjust and get used to everything (including hunger because no one will know that you're hungry) without crying.
Don't tell me to let my baby cry. Jackass.
1. Do not EVER tell a new mother how tired YOU are. I'm going to repeat this because some people are going to need it repeated. Do. Not. EVER. Tell. A. New. Mother. How. Tired. You. Are.
What you consider 'tired' is completely irrelevant. Until you have been at the end of your rope, literally pulling hair out of your head, trying to take care of a screaming infant 24 hours a day while still recovering from a major bodily trama, you have no idea how tired a new mother is.
To be honest, even if you told me you had been awake for a month straight, I wouldn't care. The difference is that you most likely had the option to go to sleep but didn't. New mothers do not have the luxury of saying 'okay, I'm tired, I should really go lay down'. Nope.
It's a whole different kind of tired when you start talking about not being able to sleep because you HAVE to be awake because you're trying to keep a child alive. Other responsibilities can get put on the back burner. It doesn't quite work that way with a baby. You can't tell yourself "eh, I'll feed him/her later". If they need something, they need it NOW...even if that means that your head just hit the pillow and you thought you were going to get some sleep for the first time in a week. Oh no. Being tired with a baby is a whole new level of tired that your sorry ass can't even imagine.
So, unless you like the idea of waking up with a dirty diaper shoved down your throat, after getting knocked the fuck out by flying carseat, do not ever tell a new mother that YOU are tired.
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