I have recently discovered...

I have recently discovered that I have a freckle between two of my toes (I couldn't see my feet for several months, so this is news to me), AND I can wiggle my ears.

So now, I spend a lot of time looking at my foot and subconciously wiggling my ears.

Rundown of the past week.

An old family friend was killed in a car wreck while driving to his parent's house Thanksgiving morning.

I nearly threw up at Thanksgiving dinner because the turkey was dry but I was trying to be polite and eat it anyway.

Spent roughly 8 hours at Travis's grandmother's house making X-mas cookies (8 hours of using a cookie press means my hands STILL hurt).

Found out NJ doesn't use e-titles, so I have to contact the KS DMV to send me a paper copy of my title so I can re-register my car.  And most people here say people in KS are backwoods hicks?  Hmmm apparently we're high tech hicks... o.O

On the same note of getting my car registered, I got my car insurance...its ridiculous how much it costs...I have a spotless driving record and yet its still costing an arm, leg, and twelve testicles to insure because prices are so high here.  Its understandable, though...considering NJ is ranked 2nd in the nation for bad drivers...KS on the other hand is 4th in the nation for GOOD drivers... And Travis wonders why I don't drive here.  (Its because I only learned to drive with people with at least half a brain on the road...I will lose it and start running people over if I try to fight traffic here.)

Bella found her hands.  She spends so much time staring at them all cross eyed now.  So cute.

I painted some more figures.  I hate the stupid snail and butterfly.  Too many small tiny places to paint.

My child has been hibernating...which is cool and all, but pretty weird.  I'm not used to having free time.

We were almost in a wreck ON the way to the DMV...apparently all the idiots in this state get behind the wheel and decide to slam on the breaks while driving 70mph down the expressway, in the rain, and try to pull a U-turn.  Fucking people make me want to slash tires.

We tried doing Xmas pics with Bella...her dress is almost too small already (its size 3-6) and the stocking that we got for her (we wanted to get pics of her IN the stocking) is too small to get any higher than her butt...We got some pics taken.  We had to jiggle her butt to get it into the stocking...she loved it.  I tried telling Travis it wasn't big enough but I guess thats what we get for having a big baby. :P  We'll have to find something else soon...I dont want to cut the stocking because that's what we'll actually be using for her for Christmas.

Tragic

No one should ever lose their baby.

http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/26667505.aspx

I am not ashamed to admit that I cried.  I cannot imagine losing my baby girl.

Turkey sandwiches for the next three weeks...

A 21lb turkey for 5 people...that's all I'm going to say...

Not a great day

To be honest, all I have to say about today is that I'm in a shitty mood and I can't seem to accomplish anything worth a damn.  I have a to do list longer than I am tall and my entire life seems to revolve around trying to make a dent in it.

I need a stiff drink.

The list!

The list is finished!  I spent most of today getting it done...mainly because my explorer died on me once and I lost about half of my list.  To be honest, I can't remember what all was on the half that I lost, so I'm not sure if I put the right things back on it, but oh well.  At least there's 101 things that I want to do on it.

Alright...today.  Tonight I took a bath with Bella and she had a giggle fit for no reason.  It was fucking hilarious.  She was belly laughing and all.  I need to get a video of her in the bath again.  I don't know what it is about bathtime that gets her laughing but its so funny.

Blah.  Yeah, okay I can't focus right now, so I'll update again soon, but my brain is just not in it right now.

Headache and a stiff drink

I've had a headache all day that has just been nagging my right temple.  I don't know what has brought it on, but nothing has helped.  Travis made me a stiff drink and it is pretty potent, so I've been sipping on it.  He denies it, but I'm pretty sure he's trying to get me a little tipsy tonight.  No idea, why, though.

Anyway.  So Bella rolled over from her belly to her back today.  I was so happy.  She hasn't acted like she's wanted to lately and then all the sudden today she decided that she wanted to be on her back so it was easier for her to suck on her fists.  It was too funny.  She was very proud of herself.

We also had a long talk today.  I haven't the foggiest idea what it was about, but it was very indepth and she felt very strongly about it.  She actually squealed so loud at one point that I jumped.  It surprised me, because she's noisy, but that was the loudest she's ever been.  It was so cute.

Alright, in other news, I am starting to feel overwhelmed with everything that I have to get done.  We only have a week left to get my car insured and reregistered but Travis has really been dragging his feet about getting it done.  Its such a headache, but it has to be done.  Hopefully we'll get some time this weekend to get it taken care of (at least figure out exactly how/when we're going to do it) because otherwise I am afraid it'll take too long.  I've also started getting organized...which of course means the house is a wreck, because in order for me to get organized, I have to tear things apart first.  The other day I had a four foot radius of random paperwork around me on the floor.  I couldn't even get up to go pee until I got things put in the proper "packets".   I really need to get a desk and filing cabinet again.  I miss it.  It made me feel like I had my life in order.

::sigh:: Let's see...what else...

Oh, so I had bought this monkey holding a really cute blanket for my gift exchange partner, but apparently Travis thought it was for Bella and he threw a hissyfit when I told him it was supposed to be for the gift exchange.  He is obsessed with having all kinds of monkey stuff for her, so we gave her the monkey and blanket (she loves it because its bright colors) and I need to find something else to add with my gift.  I have no idea what, but I'll figure it out.

I honestly can't believe how fast time is going by.  I am having trouble believing that Thanksgiving is coming up this week already.   I'm not sure what to expect from the food at Travis's family's Thanksgiving.  I don't think I've ever missed a Thanksgiving with my family, so I'm a little depressed about it, but I'm still so happy that we're supposed to go back to KS for two weeks for Christmas.  I can't wait to have my sister do pics of Bella with my nephews.  I will definitely post pics when she does.

Blah.  Okay, Bella is fussing, so its time to go.

Adorable

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/8366386.stm

So cute.  I would be asking the cop if I could take the cat. lol

Mama's Poppin Pills

Tylenol, that is.  My neck hurts like hell.

Anyway, I woke up before Bella again this morning.  Its a great feeling, but at the same time I can't help but think 'damnit, WHY couldn't I have just gotten a few more minutes of rest?'   I know I am a total zombie when she wakes me up, but I have found myself fantasizing about sleeping in.  Its ridiculous really.

And of course, the cherry on top is that I changed and fed Bella, and she is back out cold...but I dont know how long it will last, so I dont dare try to go back to sleep.  I know better. lol

Alright, so last night while I was laying in bed awake (apparently someone should have sleep trained ME when I was little. o.O) I decided, officially, that I am going to start work on my 101 in 1001 blog.  I don't have anything done for it (aside from the blog being "set up" and not formatted or anything) but I want to force myself to get started on it.  I'm not sure how long the drive to get it done will last, but I'll keep my fingers crossed to at least make a dent in making the list.  I might need some ideas for the 101 things to do.  (For those of you who don't understand, its 101 things to do in 1001 days...I've seen people put anything from baking cookies for their neighbors to having a baby or buying a house on them...I just need ideas of things that I might want to accomplish, because I'm too scatterbrained to even think of half the stuff that I already know I want to do.)

On a totally unrelated topic, Bella has been having to strain a LOT to poop lately.  She's currently asleep on the playmat beside me and she keeps waking up to bear down and grunt and then going back to sleep.  I feel sorry for her, but I dont have a clue what to do to help.

Ugh.  Okay, time to find breakfast.

The usual Wednesday stuff.

So, the house officially needs cleaned again.  Its not TOO bad, but I really hate the clutter.  We just never seem to have the time.  Hopefully i'll get some stuff done tomorrow, but I'm not making myself any promises.

Anyhow, so we had family dinner tonight, and I've decided that I am going to start renting out Travis's grandfather for cranky babies.  He's so funny with Bella.  I swear he had her talking and laughing away.  I didn't catch the whole conversation, but I'm pretty sure he was talking to her about stocks and gas prices.  And she was very opinionated about it all. lmao  After a lengthy conversation, she ate a little and then passed out for close to two hours.  He's such a cool old man.

Blah.  In other news, we have decided that we're going to try to drive back to Kansas for Christmas.  I have no idea when we'll be leaving or anything yet, but I'm just happy to know that we will be going back.  Now I just have to keep my fingers crossed that the weather doesn't screw us over.  Knowing my luck, we'll get snowed in somewhere in the middle.

Arg.  Okay, I'm hungry and Bella is grumpy.  Lets hope she has another good night tonight!  She did eight straight hours last night and I actually woke up before her!  It was so weird.   And THEN she took a 1.5 hour nap with me this afternoon.  Definitely an improvement.

I'm slacking

I haven't updated lately because my little monster has been a terror lately.  She decided that she wanted to be extremely fussy for the better part of the last few days and I am EXHAUSTED.  I got a nap in today, which did wonders, but now that I'm awake I am realizing how stressed I am about our money situation and everything I need to get done.  I just feel so overwhelmed sometimes.

In other news...

Bella is currently in her exersaucer thing.  She seems to like it, but there's not much she can do other than sit there and wobble.  She has great head control but she can't reach the toys and whatnot.  I actually want to get a new one for her.  The one we have was given to us used and is in decent shape, but the toys on it aren't 100%.

I'm currently debating trying to get into some dance classes to help get back into shape.  I'm not sure that I want to, just because it'd really depend on what I can find (there's not much right now) and the timing.  We'll see, though.  I don't even really care what kind of dance right now.  There are a few that I'd like to learn, but I mainly just want to lose weight.

On a bright now, Bella slept through the night again last night (she's only done that two times in the past week for some reason).  She faked me out once last night.  I got up, got a bottle ready and headed back into her room and she was out COLD.  I waited a few minutes to see if she'd wake back up, but nope.  She was out for the night.  I was soooo happy but I'm still ready for her to do it consistently again.

Blah.  Its time to go make something else to eat, because all I had for dinner is calimari.  Not very filling.

I think chicken cooked in italian dressing sounds great...  Hopefully I'll get a chance to update more soon.

We are intelligent parents

Travis and I are fucking brilliant.  What do we do when we know our daughter is fussy and doesn't want to be put down?

We decide to rearrange the entire fucking house.

Yep.  It needed done and luckily Bella took about a half hour nap earlier so we rushed around to get the big things moved around and have been tagging out and taking turns doing the little stuff most of the day.

However, Bella has decided to be a terror again, and I just needed a break...so right now the house is a DISASTER.

And I don't care.  I think I'm going to wait til she goes down for the night to get moving again.  Hopefully that will be soon....HOPEFULLY.

Simulated Labor

Men should go through this more often...

Simulated Labor

My labor was about 24 hours long.  I went in to the hospital because I thought something was wrong because I was in constant pain on my right side and my leg was starting to hurt.  I didn't know I was in labor.  They hooked me up to the machine and told me I was contracting every 2 minutes.  I got an epi after about 8-10 hours (I think, I dont remember times for sure), when they were going to start pitocin, because I had only dialated 2cms.  The epi felt great for about half an hour, then I had to pee so bad and they wouldn't let me get up, so they tried to cath me.  The catheter failed...several times.  The first tube was too big, so they straight cath'd me for some relief.  That only lasted for a short amount of time and then it just kept getting worse and worse.  It was unbelievably painful to have contractions and not be able to pee at the same time.  They kept pumping me full of meds, eventhough I told them I just needed relief.  Finally they straight cath'ed me again because they said my bladder was expanding and pushing the baby back up and delaying labor.  After several hours of that I started to dialate a little more (slowly).  I ended up going from 7cms to 10cms fairly fast (they upped the pitocin and kept trying to get a catheter to stay in, but it felt like someone had literally stuck a torch inside me).  I pushed for 2.5 hours before the midwife used the vac to get her out.  I was severely close to having to get an emergency c-section.

I know my labor was not as bad as some women's but it was definitely not a pleasant experience and watching this video made me feel a little better.  I'd love to see more guys have to go through this...not to be mean, but just so they can understand what women go through.

M&Ms vs Reeses Pieces

Peanut butter M&Ms are NOT the same as Reeses Pieces.  I love them both but do not try to convince me that they are the same... Its a totally different peanut butter to chocolate to candy coating ratio.

That is all.

Grumpy Again

I swear, this weather is not good for me.  I get so gloomy and moody.  Thankfully Bella has been sleeping decently today...which is good considering she decided to get up three times last night.  Of course last night was one of the nights where I told myself  'naw, she's out cold, she wont wake up tonight...I should be able to get some stuff done before I go to bed'. Pfffft.  I'm an idiot.  Everyone knows babies can read minds and know when mommy is tired.

Hibernation

The last two days, all I've wanted to do is just stay in bed and cuddle Bella.  The weather is absolutely depressing.  I'm starting to think that I would take the tornados in Kansas over another day of this Nor'easter crap in a heartbeat.

Granted, it doesn't help that I just hate it here.  It wouldn't be bad if I could actually get out and meet people, but that's really not an option.  Even if I did try to meet friends here, the chance that Travis's family/friends didn't already know them is slim to none...and therefor I wouldn't even be able to talk to them about anything in my life.  This shit fucking sucks.

I miss Kansas.  I hate this place.  I. Want. To. Go. Home.


On another note, Bella did great with her shots and hasn't seemed to be bothered by them at all.  She measured in at 14lbs 2oz, 23.5 inches long and her head cir. was 15.5inches.  She's a big girl!  She's too damn cute too...she's currently yelling at the ceiling fan.  Apparently it pissed her off. 

I broke out the 6-9 clothes today.  I'm not putting them on her just yet, but I took them out of storage and started taking tags and whatnot off so I can get them washed.  She's in pretty much all 3-6 clothes right now and I like the idea of having some 6-9 long sleeve onesies that fit over her 3-6 onesies to help keep her warm this winter.  I know I am always cold so I am slightly anal retentive about making sure she stays warm.  Travis on the other hand is the exact opposite.  He doesn't seem to understand that she gets cold easier than we do.  I've tried to explain it, but so far I dont think its sinking in.  Oh well, I guess I will keep nagging him til he realizes that not everyone wears shorts in the cold ass rain.

On another totally unrelated note...my boob hurts.  Just the left one.  I think it might finally be going back to the same size as the right.  For some reason after I had Bella my left boob tried to balloon up enough to float away on its own.  Its ridiculous.  For awhile my boobs were two totally different sizes...it makes wearing a bra really uncomfortable and cleavage really unattractive. lol  Hopefully things are going back to some sort of normal.

A Day Late and A Couple Hundred Dollars Short

So, Bella was officially two months old yesterday.  Its so weird.  I swear the first few days with in the NICU seemed like they lasted years and we were never going to get to bring her home, but since then, time has flown by.  I can't believe two months have passed already.

We celebrated by trying to take pictures.  She fought me most of the day but I was eventually able to get her in the tutu and get some some-what decent photos.  They still aren't as great as I'd like (she wasn't too thrilled with the idea of staying still and looking cute lol) but they'll work.  Here are a few of them..

They're not perfect, but I think they turned out alright.  I just love her little feet. haha

Now, as you should be able to tell by the title of this post, there's a lot more going on right now too.  We've been trying to figure out how we're going to afford going back to KS for the holidays this year, and I'm starting to think we're not going to be able to.  We're on a really tight budget and after we pay the bills and everything we have to take care of our cell phone bills, we have to register and insure my car by the end of the month, try to figure out how we're going to make it back to KS (plane tickets will cost us approximately $700 with luggage and everything, amtrak would be about $900, driving would be a pain in the ass), try to tackle Christmas shopping (which will be very skimpy this year), and on and on and on.  I seriously dont know how we're going to manage it all, but I HAVE to get back to KS.  I'm seriously going to lose my mind and probably go on a killing spree if I get stuck here for Christmas.

Ugh.  Okay, enough whining for now.

Anyway.  I have come up with ideas for little gifts that I want to send a few people.  I'm not going to describe them exactly, because I know some of them read this, but I'm going to use my pathetic artistic skills for them.  I already have most of the materials but I dont know if I'll get the time to finish everything.  Its so hard getting anything done with an infant.

Blah.  My brain just stopped functioning.  Bella and Travis are both napping, so I should get something done.  I probably won't, but its the thought that counts, right?

One of the many reasons I love him...

Travis is so great sometimes.  I swear, there's so many reasons that I love him, but this is one of them...

He's the only person I can have the following conversation with on almost a daily basis and still find it funny...

Me- Babe, where are the keys?
Him- They're on the table.
Me- I don't see them...?
Him- I put them on the table...
Me- ::searching through table:: Babe, I don't see them
Him- Did you look under the mail?
Me- Yes, baby, I don't see them...
Him- (Getting aggrivated) I know I put them there when I came in
Me- Are you sure?
Him- ::standing up:: Yes! I know I put them... ::sticks hand in pocket and looks sheepish:: I put them in my pocket, why are you looking on the table?
Me-  ::throws a roll of paper towels at him and goes to car::

lol This is seriously almost a daily routine for us...

Rules that no one ever told me...

So, recently I've discovered that there are several house rules that everyone failed to inform me of.  I've had to figure these out on my own.

1.  I have to take care of all of the cats in the house.  I'm not sure why this is the way it is, but apparently no one else is going to feed her cats or give them water, so I have to.  I wouldn't do it, but I don't have the heart to let them starve, and they would if I didn't feed them.  I can only imagine what their litter box looks like.  She never changes it, but I'm sure as hell not going upstairs to change it.

2.  There cannot be any sign that there is a baby in the house.  She throws a hissyfit anytime we leave any of Bella's stuff out of the nursery.  God forbid the baby stuff be in the way of her precious cats (stupid rodents...I normally love cats but hers are fucking pains in my ass).

3.  I am not allowed to use the phone.  I grabbed the house phone to call my cell the other day to test if my call ID was working yet (its been messed up) and she came downstairs, looked at me, and stormed off.  Apparently it doesn't matter that Travis and I are paying about 90% of the bills...she still wants to be in control of EVERYTHING.

4.  I'm not allowed to listen to music.  Doing so will cause WWIII.   The fact that her TV is loud enough to hear throughout the entire house and she leaves it on 24/7 is irrelevant.  I can't listen to anything that I actually want to hear.

5.  Because I am a stay at home mom, I have to mother everyone in the house.  Okay, so this one seriously irks me.  Their mother passed away in September of 2008 and when we decided to move out here to help out with things, I was very clear when I told Travis that I was not going to take over as mother of the house and I would NOT be accused of trying to replace their mom.  This is why I've avoided asking his sister to do anything.  I knew I always ran the risk of her flying off the handle and throwing out the whole "you're not my mother!" thing.  I know its ridiculous, but that's an arguement that I will not even touch.  If shit gets that far, I'm going home.

ANYWAY...all of that being said, I'm expected to take care of everything.  I'm supposed to clean up after everyone, cook for everyone, and do everyone's laundry.

I don't fucking think so.

I just...ugh...UAJILJDFAW$ GAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.  Fuck it, I'm not even touching that subject any further...

6.  I'm supposed to give up my baby whenever someone else is here and wants to hold her.  Alright, normally that wouldn't bother me TOO much, but I honestly cannot stand his family and they don't do anything to help me out when they're here, so why should I just hand off my daughter to them? 

ANNNNDDDD his sister has only held Bella once.  Yep, she lives with us and she's only held her once.  And she says its MY FAULT?!  She's NEVER done anything to help with Bella (seriously...ever...) and has only asked to hold her once, when she was almost a month old already.  Her girlfriend, on the other hand, has held Bella several times and has even helped with a feeding and changing before.  What REALLY irritates me is that his sister's FB picture is of her holding Bella.  All of her friends/family seem to think that she's always helping out around here and that I'm just some kind of evil bitch for not letting her get more pictures of my baby.  Its MY baby for fuck sakes.  If you want to know what's REALLY going on with her, fucking ask ME.

7.  We are supposed to throw a party anytime she does something any normal human would do in their daily routine.  Seriously.  Her family went out of their way to congratulate her when she told them she had balanced her own checkbook.  She's fucking 21 years old.  They made her a 'special dessert' for family dinner...

Enough said.

8.  The DVR is off limits to us.  God fucking forbid we interrupt her recording of every fucking showing of Law and Order (normal, CI, and SVU, which in itself is about 50 recordings PER DAY), Greys Anatomy, Private Practice, The Next Iron Chef, Chopped, Hells Kitchen, So You Think You Can Dance, etc etc etc.  There is literally ALWAYS something recording.

Now, let me continue by saying that she has a DVR on the TV upstairs in her room...but she continues to only use the one downstairs.  She has literally flipped out on us because Travis tried recording something ONCE.  Let's not even get into what would happen if we canceled one of her recordings...eventhough she records the same episodes of the same shows several times a day.


Fuck I'm getting irritated right now.  I'm going to go make dinner and possibly slash her tires.  If I don't post again in the next few days, I'm in prison...send bail money.

Playtime

She loves her playmat.  Its so cute.  Almost every morning she'll get up, eat, burp, and then lay down to play for about half an hour or so and she LOVES it.  Most of the time she'll play so much she'll put herself to sleep for a short nap! haha

Had to cancel my checkup.

GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.


So apparently the county CDC is reccomending to stay out of the dr's offices if you arent sick because of H1N1 being so bad here. I called my Drs office about it and they said they're taking precautions but its still risky, so I canceled my post partum checkup. I don't want to risk my health (especially since I'm still getting rid of the cold, or whatever it was, that I've had since last weekend) and I'm definitely not going to risk Bella's!

Ugh. Its just such a headache. I have to call again on Wednesday when she has her appointment and figure out what I'm going to do then, because she needs her shots.

God this is just so fucking annoying. ::headdesk::

Double Edged Sword

Bella is asleep.  This means I have a chance to get things done, right?

Pfft.  In my dreams.  She's been fighting sleep so much during the day lately that I don't want to start banging around and wake her up.  If I try to move her to her room so the noise doesn't bother her, she wakes up.  I'm happy she's sleeping, but I really wish I could still get the cleaning done.  I've got laundry going, which doesn't bother her, but I need to finish up a few dishes before I start cooking and then have to do MORE dishes (its a neverending cycle, I swear).  I'd love to be able to just load the dishwasher as I go, but if I start doing that, I'll just get pissed off at myself because I'll inevitably need one of the dishes that I already loaded into the dishwasher cleaned so I can use it again ASAP.

So.  Instead of getting something accomplished, I am sitting here, playing around on theBump, watching football with Travis (this part isn't by choice, but he's been helping with Bella, so I'll keep my mouth shut), and munching on peanut butter M&Ms instead of making a real meal.  Don't get me wrong, I'd love to sit here and eat M&Ms all day long, and probably would, but I've still got about 25lbs to lose and they sure seem like they're not going to burn themselves.

That's something that I have to admit that I hate about myself.  I don't work out anymore.  I'd feel so much better, I know I would, but I get so much more concerned about doing ridiculous things like...showering.  I don't think I have a high maintenance baby by any means.  I mean, I know I'm seriously lucky that she's as good as she is, but it still seems like the few times I have the energy to get things done, she starts freaking out and wants held.  I love holding her and all, but I feel like I'm never going to get anything done.

Maybe I need to learn to work out while holding Bella.  That would be great.  I can imagine myself trying to figure out how to do Yoga (that alone is funny enough) while holding her the entire time.

If I try it, I'll be sure to take pics and share them.  I wouldn't deprive anyone of that kind of humor. :D

Anyway, she is starting to stir a little bit and I REALLY need to find food or I'm going to eat this entire bag of M&Ms and feel like crap for the next week.

I got sleep last night...

I got sleep last night!  It wasn't completely uninterrupted, but close.  Travis got up with Bella at 4 and 8am.  I still had to prod him a little bit to get up each time but he did get up.  I'm just happy to have gotten more than four hours straight.  For some reason lately Bella has been sleeping through the night but I have been taking forever to fall asleep and I still wake up before her.  Damnit.

Alright, so, anyway... We found a Super WalMart nearby.  It made me soooooo happy.  We were finally able to get a decent amount of groceries!  The prices everywhere here in town are ridiculous.  And I got a few things that I haven't been able to find since we moved out here.  I've seriously missed my hot apple cider!

Blah.  My brain has been so scattered today.  I've gotten a lot done, but there's still a huge list of things I have left to do.  Its so irritating but I just can't seem to catch up.  Everytime I finish a to-do, I have a whole new one to start on again.  I feel like I'm just barely keeping my head above water sometimes.  I need to get out of here and move somewhere where I can rely on people to lend a hand once in awhile.  I know Bella is my baby and I need to be able to take care of her, but I'm also cleaning up after two cats that aren't mine and Travis's sister and her girlfriend.  Its ridiculous.  I feel like I've already got ten kids, plus a newborn.

I'm also starting a 101 Things To Do In 1001 Days blog soon.  Its in the works but I still have to come up with 101 things. lol  That will be hard enough for me to do.

Okay, I can't concentrate.  I'm going to try to get Bella to sleep.  We'll see how that goes.  Hopefully I will be able to update again tomorrow and possible get my 101 in 1001 up and running.  We shall see.

Boredom

I got a gift exchange partner!  Yay!

Sadly I know nothing about her, but I shall have to do my research so I don't send a shitty gift. I don't want to be the one that screws up something fun. lol 

On another note, I've been uploading songs from old burnt CDs onto my iTunes and holy crap I had some seriously weird music on some of them.  What the hell was wrong with me?

Oh, and I STILL have Tricky by Run DMC in my head.  WTF is that shit?

Its Happy Hour At My House!

I'm getting my drink on.

I'm really not an alcoholic or anything, although I know I sound like it sometimes, but I seriously just love the taste of rum and coke...eventhough its rum and Dr. Pepper right now.  Its not half bad.

We shall see how tonight goes.  I am by no means a cheap drunk (I have a very high alcohol tolerance, eventhough I dont drink much and never drank til I was 21), but I've got a decent size glass beside me.

And just as a disclaimer, I'm not going to care if I post about something that pisses people off tonight.  I tend to be very opinionated when I drink and I really dont care one way or another if I offend anyone.

Almost two months...

So, my daughter is almost two months old (she was born 09/09/09) and I am finally almost back to my 'normal' self.  I know I'll never be the exact same because I'm a mom now and all that, but I finally feel like a human again.

It's funny, really.  I swear people don't know what to expect from me because they're all used to seeing me pregnant and miserable.  Its like I'm not allowed to be happy or something.  Stupid people.

I have noticed that I've been getting my energy back in spurts, though.  It usually takes me awhile to get going each day (mainly because I am NOT a morning person, so Bella waking up at 7am for the day is a little rough on me) but once the afternoon/evening hits I am usually feeling pretty good.  Its a nice change.

Its also really nice being able to bend at the waist again.  I'm definitely not down to my pre-pregnant size but I'm a hell of a lot closer than I thought I was.  I tried on some size 7's last night and they fit pretty well.  I think I might be able to squeeze myself back into a size 5 if I tried hard enough but I'm not going to push it because I still have the muffin top crap and it'd just be worse with smaller pants.

Blah.  Bella's asleep on my chest and it's making me sleepy, so I think I'm going to either take a nap or try to put her to bed.

Top Ten Things To Never Say To A New Mother

I've discovered that some people out there lack the ability to know when to shut the hell up...especially around new mothers.  They feel they need to know every detail of breastfeeding, diaper changes, postpartum healing and, of course, postpartum sex.  I hate to have to be the one to break it down for them, but it needs to be done.

I'll do this as gently as possible.

STOP ASKING STUPID FUCKING QUESTIONS.  It's none of your business and I have no urge to talk to you about my hemmroids or when the stitches in my fucking crotch dissolved.  You don't need to know the state of my breasts or what they're being used for and there's no need for us to discuss if I have 'done it' again yet.

Alright.  Now that that has been taken care of, there is also a long list of things you should just never say to a new mother.  Most of these things are pretty obvious, but, since common sense is suddenly a very rare disease, they need to be wrote out for some people.  Once again, I'll be gentle...


10., 9., 8., Oh you only have one; he/she is still young; oh just wait... These comments are not acceptable.

Under any circumstances.

EVER.

That is all.


7. Well he/she should be sleeping through the night here soon! Do not get a new mother's hope up. Babies wake up at night. Its going to happen. Hell, a lot of adults wake up at night. Its cruel to give her the idea that her baby will start sleeping longer stretches and that she'll be able to sleep as long as her heart desires while her baby is still an infant. Not all babies will sleep through the night early on. Some children don't sleep through the night until they're a couple years old. All you are going to do by telling her this is get her hopes up and then make her feel like she's doing something wrong if her child doesn't sleep for 8 hours at a time at a young age. 

Just shut up.

If you're that concerned about the baby sleeping for longer stretches so the mother can get rest, why not offering to take the night shift for a few nights so she can get a few decent nights' sleep?

Yeah, that's what I thought.  Asshat.


6. You should get out of the house.  Yeah...because that's always so easy with a newborn.  I used to be able to get ready to go out (showered, dressed, hair, makeup, etc) in a total of about 15 minutes.  It now takes me hours...and that's just getting decent enough to be seen in public.  I have to get my daughter settled enough so I can shower, get dressed, make my hair less disasterous, and look awake.  Then I have to feed, diaper, and change her.  Then there's the struggle with getting her into the carseat without a huge hissyfit.  It also includes getting the diaper bag ready, making sure I have enough supplies ready for her in case I'm gone longer than I expect, and trying to make sure I'm not leaving the house without something important (like shoes, purse, cellphone, keys, etc).

Before I can even think of all that business I have to take into consideration the weather, where I'm going, how long I'll be gone, who I'll be around, etc etc etc.

Sometimes its less stressful to stay home and be stir crazy than fight with everything to get out of the house for a short period of time and risk something fucked up happening (i.e. my child having several explosive diapers in a row and not having enough clothes/diapers in the diaper bag).  So no, its not always possible to 'just get out of the house'.


5.  Well I wore my normal jeans home from the hospital.  You know what?  Go to hell.  I'm sick of people making new mothers feel like they are supposed to look like fucking supermodels.  I gained 55 pounds during my pregnancy.  I was a size 3 before I got pregnant and within the first two months I had bloated up so much I was squeezing my ass into size 9's.

And I'm okay with that.

Yes, I would love to be able to get right back into my size 3 jeans and pretend that my body is back to normal, but its not.  I just had a fucking baby.  Yes, I was supposed to gain weight while pregnant and if I had lost all 55lbs during labor I would've been seriously sick.  My body went through some serious changes and I got my beautiful baby girl out of the whole ordeal and she is happy and healthy, so I am perfectly fine with the possibility of having some dieting or exercising to do in the future.  I'll manage.   Just because you body image sucks doesn't mean I have to feel bad about not looking like a goddamn Playboy bunny immediately after delivery.

Also, I'm well aware that I may never be back to my normal size.  Some women don't get their old bodies back.   With how much my hips spread while I was pregnant, I'm not sure if I will lose enough weight to get back down to a size 3.  Oh well.   Hell yeah I'd love to be able to go back to wearing all my cute clothes and not have to worry about a new wardrobe, but I'm not going to starve myself just to get back into my old jeans.

It's not like I need to dress up all sexy and go to a club or some shit.  I've got a kid.  Who the fuck else am I trying to impress?


4. Sleep when the baby sleeps.  Great theory but unless you are going to come over and clean the house, cook, do laundry, take care of the pets (and/or other kids), go grocery shopping, etc then this isn't exactly possible.  Life doesn't have a pause button (wouldn't that be nice!) so we can just lay down with a baby and take a nap.  Most mothers would LOVE to be able to just curl up with their newborn and not have to worry about anything else. 

Of course there's always this little problem called reality that bites you in the ass when you realize "oh shit, I haven't showered in two days and I smell worse than the burp rag".  Yep.  Hygeine.  We have to shower sometime.


3. You're going to spoil that baby if you hold him/her too much.  You know what?  Fuck you. 

No, seriously.  Fuck you. 

Just because no one held you when you were a baby doesn't mean I'm going to stop cuddling with my baby.  I'm sick of people getting all worked up about wanting to hold a new baby but then trying to tell the mother that they shouldn't hold the baby as much as they do because it'll spoil the child.  That baby just came out of the womb, where it was being held 24/7 for 9 months straight.   Can someone please explain to me how you can spoil a baby by weaning them off of being held that much?  Because that's what you're doing unless you seriously hold your child every second of the day. 

And don't get me started on the part where you want to hold my baby but try to tell me not to.  What kind of shit is that?  It's MY baby, asshole.  Go make your own.


2. You've got to learn to just let that baby cry so he/she will learn they won't always get what they want.  Alright, so I know this is a touchy subject with some moms but I'm past caring at this point.  I'm going to say this very plainly so it doesn't confuse anyone. 

Letting your baby cry and not trying to figure out why he/she is crying and tend to those needs is NEGLECT.  

Oh yeah, I went there.

Babies cry because they need something.  It might be that they're hungry or need a clean diaper or it might be that they're scared or loney and need to be held.  Yes, babies sometimes NEED to be held.  They are brand new to this world and are scared.  How about I drop you on some random planet, where no one understands what you want or need, surrounded by people you have to rely on to meet your every need and see how easily you adjust!  Oh, and you have to adjust and get used to everything (including hunger because no one will know that you're hungry) without crying.

Don't tell me to let my baby cry.  Jackass.


1. Do not EVER tell a new mother how tired YOU are.  I'm going to repeat this because some people are going to need it repeated.  Do. Not. EVER. Tell. A. New. Mother. How. Tired. You. Are.

What you consider 'tired' is completely irrelevant.  Until you have been at the end of your rope, literally pulling hair out of your head, trying to take care of a screaming infant 24 hours a day while still recovering from a major bodily trama, you have no idea how tired a new mother is.

To be honest, even if you told me you had been awake for a month straight, I wouldn't care.  The difference is that you most likely had the option to go to sleep but didn't.  New mothers do not have the luxury of saying 'okay, I'm tired, I should really go lay down'.  Nope.

It's a whole different kind of tired when you start talking about not being able to sleep because you HAVE to be awake because you're trying to keep a child alive.  Other responsibilities can get put on the back burner.  It doesn't quite work that way with a baby.  You can't tell yourself  "eh, I'll feed him/her later".  If they need something, they need it NOW...even if that means that your head just hit the pillow and you thought you were going to get some sleep for the first time in a week.  Oh no.  Being tired with a baby is a whole new level of tired that your sorry ass can't even imagine.

So, unless you like the idea of waking up with a dirty diaper shoved down your throat, after getting knocked the fuck out by flying carseat, do not ever tell a new mother that YOU are tired.

There! I Fixed It!

So, I think I finally fixed it...

And I didn't even use duct tape!

I know I should technically write a decent post, but I just spent two hours tweaking this stupid thing...and its still not exactly how I want it!

God I'm way too anal about this shit.

How To Have a Perfect Baby

I had a vision while in the shower (because I definitely wasn't going to look down)...I have figured out how to have a perfect baby. (Some of these things may contradict each other, but you have to find a way to make these work or you and your child will forever suck at life.)

-You must not have any kind of medical condition or have ever been sick in your life. This includes any kind of cold/flu/etc since you were born. You also must not have any kind of family history of any illness.

- You must have a perfect diet. You must not have ever ate anything processed, packages, or manufactured. Your entire diet has to be completely home grown (in your own home, you can't trust other people to grow your food) without any fertilizers or additives. With this perfect diet you should obviously be the perfect weight, also. (As with the above, this must be true throughout your entire life, or you're going to f'ck up your kid.) Also, you cannot gain any more than 10 pounds while pregnant.

- You cannot have ever drank anything other than water, smoked (or been near anyone that has ever smoked in your life), used a public toilet, worn clothing made of any man-made materials, or lived in an industrial area.

- You cannot have ever watched TV, played video games, or used a computer. These rot your brain and will therefor ruin your LO.

- You must have a perfect relationship (which means no fights...ever). You must also have a perfect family, with all of your relatives living to be 100 years old or older. Everyone must get along and must also follow the same lifestyle as listed here. One failure, even in your extended family, will ensure your child is screwed up for life.

- You cannot have pets or know anyone that has pets. They are dirty, filthy beings and carry nothing but dirt and disease and will definitely cause health problems.

- You must not have any stress in your life. No exceptions.

- You must never have done anything 'naughty' in your life. This includes showing any skin (to anyone, you must shower in your clothes and only change in pitch dark), dating, dancing provacatively, or having sex.

- You must have your baby ON your due date (not a day before or after), they must be the perfect weight, have perfect APGAR scores, eat only the exact amount reccomended (breastmilk only, obviously), and you must have had a completely natural childbirth. (And by completely natural I mean in a cave, without doctors, with only leaves to clean/wrap your child in. These leaves must have been washed in a fresh spring with completely pristine water. Also, you cannot have used any kind of pain remedy, including biting one of the sticks that you're laying on to give birth...because that would be a crutch and your child would never know how to take care of themselves and would become a junky.)

- You cannot give your baby a pacifier or it will use one for the rest of his/her life and will grow up to be a total loser.

- Also, and this is one of the most important points, your child must sleep through the night, even in utero. If your child does not sleep through the night throughout your pregnancy and every day thereafter, it is broken and you will forever be miserable with your horrible baby.

::sigh:: okay, I'm fairly sure I covered almost everything. Remember these all must be followed to a T or you fail as a parent.